Joy: Day 25

This morning, I packed all three children in the car and drove for about 25 minutes to get my blood drawn.  In spite of the fact that I had all three with me today, (K is sick, W doesn't have school, and I usually have C anyway), it was important that I get it done about a week before my next Dr. appt.  Two painful sticks in my hand, (apparently my arm veins were too deep--although they haven't ever been before...), and a bandage wrapped around my brusing hand later, we were headed back down to the car, where I scarfed down a breakfast sandwich I made earlier in the morning.  Fasting on a pregnant tummy is not fun, but this particular blood test requires that I not eat for several hours before-hand.

I realize this is not the norm for most pregnant ladies.  But, this is the norm for my pregnancies.  At least in WA.  (My UT Dr handled it a little differently.)  You see, with all of my children, around 26 weeks, I have developed a condition called "Cholestasis of Pregnancy."  In normal terms, this means that my pregnancy-induced high hormone levels cause the ducts of my liver/gall bladder to swell.  Bile can't get through, so it ends up getting dumped into my blood stream.  Lovely image, isn't it? 

The main symptom of this condition is severe itching in the palms of the hands and the soles of the feet.  (I also feel occasional itching in my elbow pits, lower arms, and lower legs.)  Notice that I say IN, and not ON.  It is definitely not something that is only skin deep because it's my blood that's itching, not my skin.  Sometimes, I feel like I want to rip off my skin and scratch my bones.  And sometimes, it drives me to tears because the itching is so constant.  That's how I was diagnosed the first time.  The good news is that there is medication that can be taken to help quell the itching.  The other symptoms are exhaustion and depression, but most pregnant women experience these with no other issues.

I have learned a few things--like if I start itching at dry skin on the surface, my inner itch receptors are more likely to get set off.  So, I try to keep my legs shaved and moisturized and I try to keep my hands from getting too dry.  My itching can also be set off by exercise, dehydration, and heat.  So, I try to keep cool, (sometimes putting my feet on a pan of ice), drink enough water, and refrain from being too active.  (The last one isn't THAT hard, really.)

The main outcome of this condition is a possible stillbirth in the last month of pregnancy.  So, all of my babies have, of necessity, come 3-4 weeks early.  My Dr., (who is fantastic, btw), is very cautious with this condition and is willing to bring the baby even earlier if needed.  To monitor the baby, from about 28 weeks on, I have a weekly non-stress test and several days later, a weekly diagnostic ultrasound to make sure everything inside is on the up and up.  Also, starting at that same time, I have weekly blood draws to measure the bile levels in my blood, (which must also be done fasting).  Today's test was to get a base reading so we will know how my levels are fluctuating as the pregnancy progresses.

Now, reading everything I just wrote does not seem very joyful.  In fact, just this morning, as I was driving home from the lab, with my hand hurting, I was thinking about having to do this again and again in the coming months...and I almost started crying.  It is a lot to think about and anticipate.  (Especially when you add in the fact that at the end of all of this, I get to be cut open and have a long post-c-section recovery, while caring for a newborn.)  It can be heavy to consider some days.

But, I knew what I was getting into when we decided to have another baby.  It brings me joy to think about bringing this little one into our family.  I find joy in having found a Dr. that IS cautious with this condition, (the first Dr. I went to in WA was very casual about it all--and I was NOT comfortable with that!).  Within the last couple of weeks, I have started feeling the baby move from time to time--and that is joyful as well.  And, I find joy in the fact that I have been through this before.  I know (generally) what to expect, in spite of the gravity of it all.  The first time was MUCH scarier.  So, while there are a lot of unknowns, scary possibilities, and dreaded anticipations, there is mostly joy about being able to have this experience in the first place.