The Little Black Book

I love notebooks.  I'm not sure when they became so fun for me, but it seems that I always have a few half-full notebooks floating around my house.  They're useful for so many things--notes for someone else, recording bits of inspiration, keeping track of phone numbers and addresses, To Do lists, bank balances, reminders--I'm really never surprised by what I find written in my notebooks.  Until today.

This morning, I was reading through a notebook I started using about 7 years ago.  True to form, the first third of the squat black spiral book is filled, and then there are chunks of blank pages, interrupted occasionally by a rogue quote or phone number.  The earliest entries were from just after I was married--the latest from just over a year ago.  I re-read lists of "To Do's" associated with several different callings, thoughts and inspiration I received, notes from various church meetings, a few journal-type entries, and lists of things I wanted to improve in my life.  What surprised me was how much I haven't changed in the the past 5-7 years! 

One of the most prevalent goals I had back then was to be more organized, to be better about cleaning my house.  I had lots of thoughts on how to accomplish this--and yet, in my life right now, I have that exact same goal.  It is a little disheartening to think that now, five years later, I feel no more organized or on top of house cleaning than I did back then.  How is it that I feel I've come so far in so many ways, but I seem to be so stuck in others?  I've been thinking about this all morning. 

My first question is: Does this mean that I'm going to struggle with my cleaning/organization for the rest of my life?  Probably.  In a home where people actually live, there will probably always be something that needs organizing or cleaning.  Especially when 4 out of 5 of those people are actually home for the entire day.  But, at the same time, I have to realize that back then, I was in an 800 sq. ft. condo with 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, a tiny kitchen, and a family room/eating area.  Over the next few months, I know I developed better organization there and, looking back, I think that little condo was probably pretty clean most of the time.  (Or maybe I'm just remembering how beautiful it looked when we were selling it...?) 

Now, I'm in a home that is just over three times the square footage of our first condo, with 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, an office, a family room, living room, dining room, large kitchen/eating area, and laundry room--with actual front and back yards that also require care.  It's a big jump from that first tiny place to this beautiful home for a growing family!  So, really, when I frame it in this light, is it any surprise that I'm struggling with this issue yet again?  The only time in my life that I have ever felt my space was organized and clean was when, as a senior in high school, my family moved to a new home and I had, for the first time in my life, my own bedroom.  (This lasted for all of 8 months before I left for college...)  Everything had a place and there was no one else to remove said things from their places.

Speaking of people who remove things from their places, I saw my own desires for cleanliness and organization reflected in my 6-year old daughter this weekend.  Staying at my in-laws' beach cottage, my kids finally had a room for themselves because of the recent remodeling of the back porch.  For the first time, all 5 of us weren't cozy and cramped in one small bedroom.  (With all of the luggage, bedding, and people, that scenario is an organizational nightmare--no matter how hard I tried!)  My daughters were finally in charge of their own bags, dirty clothes, and beds.  As I looked around the room on Sunday afternoon, I silently noticed that my daughters had put their bags in an out-of-the-way space, created their own "dirty laundry" corner, and neatly stacked (again, out of the way) the cushions and pillows removed from the hide-a-bed couch.  As my oldest daughter tidied up the toys, she chattered away about what a good organizer she was and what a great job she had been doing at organizing.  I could only agree with her!

As I record this experience, I realize that I have something to learn from my daughter.  She's certainly not perfect at organizing, but her efforts are wonderful.  Just the fact that she's trying makes a big difference.  It means she's learning and improving herself.  Maybe I should remember that next time I try.  And, I loved her positive self-talk.  Maybe instead of telling myself I need to be more organized, I should tell myself that I'm a great organizer (after all, my daughter had to learn it from somewhere) and then live up to that thought. 

So, little spiral notebook on my nightstand, somewhere on those blank chunks of pages, I'm not going to let you get me down.  I'm going to record what a good job I do...that I'm really pretty good at cleaning and how (for the most part) organized my home is.  Then in a few years, when I read your pages again, as I look back on this time of life, I can laugh at myself and say, "You think you were good then?  With all those distractions?  Just look at what you can do now!"

In the Groove

I absolutely cannot belive that it has been over THREE months since I've written anything here!  I can't say that there's a particular reason--other than by the time I have a moment to sit down and write, I'd rather read. Or clean (not usually). Or sleep.  Or do anything but use my brain to come up with clever, well-thought, cohesive ideas to share with inquiring minds who read my blog.  But at least for today, the speed of life feels a little slower.  And I finally feel like sharing something...anything...again on here.

In the month or so, I've gotten into a good groove.  I've been heading to the gym six days a week, staying on top of my house (for the most part), reading lots of good books, watching a lot less TV, and realizing how much I enjoy my kids.  I have still had my share of down days, impatience with my kids and/or husband, and various other struggles with life.  But overall, things have been really good.  And, I think I know where to lay the responsibility for this good groove.

Every time we listen to General Conference, I set a goal to read every talk from the corresponding Conference Ensign before the next General Conference comes around.  You would think this would be a simple goal to reach, but for some reason, I usually find myself reading more talks in the last month before Conference than I do in the 5 months previous.  (I may change my strategy a little this time...)  March 2011 was no different.  I was reading about 3 talks per week for the last 3-4 weeks before Conference. 

One of the talks I read during this time was "Receive the Holy Ghost" by Elder David A. Bednar.  There were no thunderbolts or strong impressions as I read this talk.  There were a few quiet thoughts that came to mind as I was reading.  One of which was that one way we can show our desire to utilize the gift of the Holy Ghost is by specifically asking for it.  I decided to "experiment upon the word" and try out this counsel from an apostle.  After about a week, I realized I was happier.  My life didn't drastically change--my kids didn't suddenly become perfect angels.  But, I was better equipped to handle the bumps that came in the course of daily living.  I found myself feeling a little more patient and a little more loving.  I began realizing small impressions that came and found myself allowing a little more time in my day to follow those impressions.  As time continued to pass, I realized that even though I was home most of the time, Heavenly Father was able to lead people to me whom I could help.  I have felt so much gratitude for this gift and the wisdom of a loving God who provided it for us.

I have to say honestly that I was amazed at the results of this experiment.  It was so simple and I didn't expect such a noticeable change in my life.  Before I started, I was reading my scriptures every day, saying my prayers every day, going to church, doing my best to magnify my callings, trying to follow the counsel of my leaders, and seeking personal inspiration on a daily basis.  In the past, as I have implemented a new habit or followed counsel, the results have been gradual--almost imperceptible as I learn and grow line upon line.  This time, however, the results were immediate and tangible.  I am so grateful for inspired leaders.  And certainly for the inspiration that we are blessed with as we follow them.