I've been thinking a lot about this over the past couple of weeks. More so since I read that article I posted yesterday. I've been going over and over again in my mind what I do every day and why it seems I don't get a whole lot done in a day. I've thought a lot about how life was when I was single, or even married and childless (which wasn't a very long period of time), and how I spent my days.
When I was single, I could get up early in the morning, even if I had stayed out socializing late the night before. I could even sleep in until I decided to wake up on Saturdays and on Sundays, too, if I didn't have meetings before church--which was the norm. I could also take naps any time I wanted without interruption.
Now that I'm a mom, sleeping in ANY time is a thing of the past. Saturday, Sunday, and any other time, my kids are usually up by 7:30 at the latest. And, even if I get to sleep until that luxuriously late hour, I end up dragging myself out of bed. Apparently, 8 hours of sleep in short 2-4 hour blocks, (depending on feedings and other night wakings of the kids), does not equal a full night's sleep, no matter how much you want it to!
When I was single, getting ready on a daily basis was the norm. I got to shower as soon as I woke up and had time to shave my legs, put on make-up, and blow dry and style my hair. I got to have as leisurely a breakfast as I wanted without any interruptions.
As a mom, I try to get a shower in every day. Some days, though, the girls' nap schedule doesn't match up and I miss out on that opportunity completely. On the days I do shower, I'm usually trying to get in and out as quickly as possible because I have a million and one things to do while the kids are sleeping. I'm lucky if I get the chance to blow dry my hair and hope that I'll get to put on make-up within a few hours of showering.
Breakfast with kids is anything but relaxing and leisurely. I pop a couple of pieces of bread in the toaster and answer the requests of my 2-year old. Some days, she's hungrier than others, so I end up fulfilling more requests than usual. Either way, I still don't get to my toast until it's cooled off quite a bit. Oh well!
When I was single, I headed out to work every weekday morning. While I was at work, I answered my phone, dealt with employees, and tended to other mundane tasks. If I couldn't get my work done with my phone on and office door open, I could shut the door and turn off the phone and take care of whatever it was that needed my immediate attention. At the end of the day, I left my work behind me and went home to relax and take care of a few housekeeping issues.
As a mom, I LIVE at work. I don't ever leave my workplace. I am on call 24 hours a day, 7 days a week--I can't ever turn my "Mommy Pager" off. My girls are constantly begging for my attention. No matter what I'm doing, I hear little voices fussing or saying, "Mommy hold you!" Trying to do anything while holding a 2-year old and/or a 6 month old is practically impossible. So, I end up playing, watching a show, cuddling, or doing whatever else my daughter thinks might be fun at the time. I spend my days listening to a constant cacophony of happy and sad child sounds. I take on the roles of both disciplinarian and nurturer in a constant revolution.
If I want to get my tasks done without interruption and have some quiet time, I have to wait at least until naptime--that is if the girls' naps coincide. Naptime can range from 1 1/2 hours to 3 hours, according to how tired the girls are, so what I can accomplish in that time frame depends on the day. And, just like when I was single, I have to prioritize what I will do in that short period of time. Some days showering wins. Some days, it's the laundry. Some days, it's a little of everything. And, other days, I don't do anything. Having some time to myself to do what I want is very rare--so some days, I'm selfish and choose to do what I want to do in those few hours.
When I was single, my evenings were filled with socializing, running errands, and various other personal pursuits. If I wanted to go get something for dinner, no one would stop me. If I wanted to go see a movie with friends, I was free to do it. If I wanted to stay up late or go to bed early, that was my choice.
Now that I'm a mom, evenings are usually filled with chores I didn't finish during the day, running a few errands WITHOUT the kids, and trying to spend some time with my wonderful husband. Going out for dinner without the kids requires finding a babysitter with whom I can trust my darling girls. Movies these days are almost impossible, as I am so tired by the end of the day, I usually sleep through them all. (I guess that's how I was when I was single, too.) I don't decide when and how I sleep anymore. If the baby cries, I can't send her to voicemail. If my 2-year old has a bad dream, I can't tell her we'll deal with it tomorrow. I am available for snuggles and kisses and playtime at my kids discretion--even if it's 3 a.m.
The thing is that I wouldn't trade this new, constantly changing, and challenging experience for the world. I know that my kids are growing fast and so most days, I don't resent the 2 a.m. feedings or the constant cries of "Mommy!" throughout the day. I know that all too soon, I will be back to my own existence, so I truly try to savor these experiences as much as I can in the moment.
A few weeks ago in Relief Society, one of the women made a comment that during the years while her children still lived at home, she made their goals her goals. This isn't to say that she didn't have personal goals and aspirations of her own. But, as any mother knows, you would literally go insane with a feeling of non-accomplishment during those busy years of life if all you had was your own personal growth and development in mind. It seems that for a time during life, your own pursuits are crowded out because of the immediacy and importance of the development of your children.
Being a mom really is the most difficult role I have taken on so far in my life. It has required more creativity, patience, and love than I thought I had. It takes everything out of you and somehow ends up giving it all back and then some. While there are times that I miss the carefree independence of my single days, I don't ever wish that I was not a mother.
Isaac’s first football game of the year.
1 year ago
1 comment:
You totally read my mind with that post. And, as helpful and understanding as they are, sometimes I feel like husbands will never truly understand what it means to be a mother. All the hard work, sleepless nights, etc., but it is so worth it!
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