The Worth of a Mother: Polar Opposites

Last week sometime, Ryan sent me a transcript of a Glenn Beck show. He mainly sent it to me for the bit on potty training at the beginning, since we are still in the trenches of potty training in our own home. While the beginning gave me a chuckle or two, what really caught my attention was toward the end of the transcript. While the whole thing is very interesting, I have bolded the lines that really stood out to me the most:

Remember Hillary Clinton is a -- she's a new Progressive. In the middle of the early 20th century Progressive. You've got to understand what that means. These are crazy people. Example? Rights of a child, if I may quote Dr. Louise Silverstein. She wrote in the American Psychologist that, quote, "Psychologists must refuse to undertake any more research that looks for the negative consequences of 'other than mother' care." It's almost like it's their global consensus. I can't find anything that says putting your kid in day care would be a bad thing. Sheez. Dr. Silverstein is almost saying in the American Psychologist that Psychologists must refuse to take on any research that even looks for anything bad that might happen with child care, taking care of anybody else but mom.
Another famous Progressive philosopher and good friend of Hillary Clinton's, Linda Hershman, said that "women cannot be fully realized human beings if they don't make work a bigger priority than mothering." They're not fully realized human beings. Women are made to feel judged or shamed by their choice of day care. "This negativity will be paid forward in the form of brain-warping stress." Who is making them feel less than adequate for not working? Instead working the hardest job, the one at home. Who's making them feel that way? I know I'm not. Sandra Scarr, possibly the most quoted expert on the "Other than mother" care in America and past president of the American Psychological Society says, and I quote, "However desirable or undesirable the ideal of a full-time maternal care may be, it is now completely unrealistic in the world of the late 20th century. We must and need to create, quoting, a new century's new ideal children. These children will need to learn to love everybody like a family member. Quoting: Multiple attachments to others will become the ideal. Shyness and exclusive maternal attachment will seem dysfunctional. Quoting: New treatments will be developed for children with exclusive maternal attachments, end quote.

After reading that again, I have a jumble of thoughts running through my mind. FIRST OF ALL--I don't care whether you are a working mom or a stay-at-home mom--that fact is completely irrelevant to me since we each must decide what is best for our families and circumstances. As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland stated in the recent Worldwide Leadership Training for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,"Now, I hope this helps you understand why we talk about the pattern, the ideal, of marriage and family when we know full well that not everyone now lives in that ideal circumstance...Individual adaptations have to be made as marital status and family circumstances differ. But all of us can agree on the pattern as it comes from God, and we can strive for its realization the best way we can" (General Patterns and Specific Lives, Feb. 9, 2008). So--keeping this in mind--the fact that research on "other than mother care" is not allowed is absolutely maddening. No matter what a mother chooses to do, I think she has the right to be informed of the consequences of her choice, as far as that information is available. To withold this information on the basis of "making" a woman feel guilty is completely wrong. Regardless of the choices we make, the positive and negative consequences will be there, and forbidding anyone the opportunity to have an idea of what those consequences may be is nothing more than blatant censorship.

Secondly, the quote from Linda Hershmann "women cannot be fully realized human beings if they don't make work a bigger priority than mothering" is a bold-faced lie. I have been in the corporate world and I am now a stay-at-home mother. I have never been a corporate diva, and maybe Linda has had that empty opportunity, but the corporate world that I am familiar with is filled with people trying to prove their superiority over each other. You work day in and day out on things that aren't really going to matter once you're dead--hoping that you can prove yourself enough to continue up the corporate ladder and gain a position of "true" power someday. I have no idea how this never-ending process of proving yourself, (which continues even after you have "arrived"), brings full-realization to any human being.

Let me tell you about being a fully-realized human being. First of all, the fact that a woman's body can and does make another person is absolutely amazing and brings unanticipated depth and meaning to your life. Then, those first few weeks after the birth push you to your limits--late night and early morning feedings, the roller-coaster of hormones from having a baby, and starting to get this parenting thing down--you really start to learn what you're made of. And, after several weeks, (or months), when you finally get into a schedule, you feel like you can take on the world. If you can calm a screaming child and anticipate and fulfill their every need, you can do ANYTHING. Talk about fully realizing yourself! As you continue to raise your child, you are constantly pushed to your limits. Your home needs organization, your creativity lights up as you promote a developing brain, you contstantly look for ways to improve your self and your surroundings. When you accomplish any of those things or myriad others, you recognize that full realization has nothing to do with corporate meetings, conference calls, or big presentations. Yeah--those things feel good when they're done well--but they offer no long term fulfillment. It's only through being a mother that you work day in and day out on the tiny details of a lifetime that you will most likely not live to see through to fruition. Learning to trust in your self and your abilities to accomplish such a monumental undertaking certainly allows for full realization of both your strengths and your failings--and if you're not frankly looking at both, how can you experience full realization as a human being?

OK--and the last thing--multiple attachments will be normal? Are you kidding me? I remember working in day care with children who were between 12-24 months of age. There were days, (many of them), that parents would come to pick up their kids and the kids would cling to me and cry because they were more attached to me, the babysitter, than the parent. Can I tell you how confused those poor little kids were? Steady home life, to me, is like base camp. You can go off and conquer or be defeated by any mountain--but when you go back to base camp, you can recharge and regroup before you head out on another quest. Without this steady base, you feel fragmented and scattered--and that is reflected in the details of your life. With all that is happening today as a result of parenting the children of yesterday, I can only imagine what tomorrow will be like when "multiple attachments" are the norm.

One of the reasons that this hit me with so much force was that I had read Julie B. Beck's talk from October 2007 General Relief Society Meeting the day before. There were two quotes from her talk that stood out to me:

Knowing and defending the divine roles of women is so important in a world where women are bombarded with false messages about their identity. Popular media figures on the radio and television set themselves up as authorities and spokespersons for women. While these media messages may contain elements of truth, most preach a gospel of individual fulfillment and self-worship, often misleading women regarding their true identity and worth. These voices offer a counterfeit happiness, and as a result, many women are miserable, lonely, and confused.

The things women can and should do very best are championed and taught without apology here. We believe in the formation of eternal families. That means we believe in getting married. We know that the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. That means we believe in having children. We have faith that with the Lord's help we can be successful in rearing and teaching children. These are vital responsibilities in the plan of happiness, and when women embrace those roles with all their hearts, they are happy! Knowing and defending the truth about families is the privilege of every sister in this Church. (What Latter-Day Saint Women Do Best: Stand Strong and Immovable, Ensign, Nov. 2006, p. 110)

What a difference between the two schools of thought. Most days, the pull of the world seems so subtle that it can be hard to see where the line is drawn. But, reading these two polar opposites within such a short time frame really struck me with the blatant difference between the pull of my religious beliefs and the pull of the world. How grateful I am that I know what the Lord's standard for me is. It makes it much easier to make my choices and stick to them--even on the days when gratification and excitement seem years off.