Is the drought over?

About three weeks ago, Kallie had a GREAT potty training week. For the first couple of days, she made it to the potty for all of her #1's, (which she has been REALLY good about even through naps and overnight since she started potty training), and about 1/2 of her #2's, (which is better than the other way around). Then, for the last 4 days of the week, she was PERFECT in her pottying. Then, for some reason, she suddenly stopped making any attempt to get to the potty for #2. Ryan and I were pretty frustrated, especially because we knew that she knew what to do and had the ability to make it happen. But no amount of coercing, convincing, or plain old bribing made any kind of difference in her desire to make it to the potty. For the past 2 weeks straight, Kallie has absolutely refused to do #2's in the potty.

We tried having her clean her own poopy panties, but she loves playing in the water, so that wasn't much of a deterrent. We tried putting her in time out after it happened, and that didn't work either. We tried having her sit on the potty until she finally pooped. And, she would wait until we gave up, climb off the potty, and do it in her panties. We started a "bean jar" to focus on positive behaviors, one of which was pottying, and that caught her attention for everything BUT the potty. We made a few big bribes for new toys, sleepovers at Grandma's house, and anything else we could think of. And, still she refused to "do her business."

Finally, at the end of my rope, completely exhausted and tired of cleaning poopy panties, I decided to take drastic measures. As much as it was a punishment for me as well, I told Kallie that big girls put their poops in the potty and babies put their poops in their pants, so until she could put poops in the potty, she was going to have to wear a diaper. She did NOT like this idea at first--but after a few minutes of wearing a diaper again, she got used to it. And, I started resigning myself to the idea that I would, once again, have 2 kids in diapers.

She spent all day today wearing a diaper. I took every opportunity to remind her that big girls wear panties and when she could put poops in the potty, I was more than happy to let her wear her panties again. I knew it was on her mind when she threw the word "poop" into various conversations...and I wondered how long she was going to go wearing diapers again. As I put her to bed tonight, I reminded her that once she put poops in the potty, she would get to wear panties again. About 30 minutes later, Ryan and I heard her in the bathroom--where she announced to me that she was going to do poops. AND SHE DID!!! Needless to say, I was thrilled beyond belief. It's amazing how something as simple as a child not pooping in the potty can make you feel so frustrated and helpless--it's just something they have to do for themselves.

Now, I have to say this--I'm sure this isn't how all potty training parents feel, but when I put Kallie back in a diaper this morning, I felt terrible. I know that the cardinal rule of potty training is that you don't go back to diapers once you've moved up to panties. And, I felt that, in a way, I was admitting defeat and surrendering for now, (which isn't necessarily a bad thing). But, tonight, I feel validated in my choice. I know that what I was doing wasn't admitting total defeat. Instead, I feel that I helped Kallie see logical consequences and she was able to make her decision based on that knowledge. I know this doesn't work for all kids--but I'm really grateful that there's finally an end to the preschooler potty drought in our house.

So, Mom

I was working on something at the computer today and Kallie set up her little camping chair next to me and then turned it so it was facing me. She sat down, leaned back, put her arms on the arms of the chair, looked at me, and said, "So, Mom, what di' you do today?" And we proceeded to have quite the conversation about the things we've done today. Since this happened around 10 a.m., there wasn't a whole lot of doings to cover, but we talked for a while anyway. It cracked me up that she was able to communicate that she was in the mood for a chat.

The Worth of a Mother: Polar Opposites

Last week sometime, Ryan sent me a transcript of a Glenn Beck show. He mainly sent it to me for the bit on potty training at the beginning, since we are still in the trenches of potty training in our own home. While the beginning gave me a chuckle or two, what really caught my attention was toward the end of the transcript. While the whole thing is very interesting, I have bolded the lines that really stood out to me the most:

Remember Hillary Clinton is a -- she's a new Progressive. In the middle of the early 20th century Progressive. You've got to understand what that means. These are crazy people. Example? Rights of a child, if I may quote Dr. Louise Silverstein. She wrote in the American Psychologist that, quote, "Psychologists must refuse to undertake any more research that looks for the negative consequences of 'other than mother' care." It's almost like it's their global consensus. I can't find anything that says putting your kid in day care would be a bad thing. Sheez. Dr. Silverstein is almost saying in the American Psychologist that Psychologists must refuse to take on any research that even looks for anything bad that might happen with child care, taking care of anybody else but mom.
Another famous Progressive philosopher and good friend of Hillary Clinton's, Linda Hershman, said that "women cannot be fully realized human beings if they don't make work a bigger priority than mothering." They're not fully realized human beings. Women are made to feel judged or shamed by their choice of day care. "This negativity will be paid forward in the form of brain-warping stress." Who is making them feel less than adequate for not working? Instead working the hardest job, the one at home. Who's making them feel that way? I know I'm not. Sandra Scarr, possibly the most quoted expert on the "Other than mother" care in America and past president of the American Psychological Society says, and I quote, "However desirable or undesirable the ideal of a full-time maternal care may be, it is now completely unrealistic in the world of the late 20th century. We must and need to create, quoting, a new century's new ideal children. These children will need to learn to love everybody like a family member. Quoting: Multiple attachments to others will become the ideal. Shyness and exclusive maternal attachment will seem dysfunctional. Quoting: New treatments will be developed for children with exclusive maternal attachments, end quote.

After reading that again, I have a jumble of thoughts running through my mind. FIRST OF ALL--I don't care whether you are a working mom or a stay-at-home mom--that fact is completely irrelevant to me since we each must decide what is best for our families and circumstances. As Elder Jeffrey R. Holland stated in the recent Worldwide Leadership Training for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints,"Now, I hope this helps you understand why we talk about the pattern, the ideal, of marriage and family when we know full well that not everyone now lives in that ideal circumstance...Individual adaptations have to be made as marital status and family circumstances differ. But all of us can agree on the pattern as it comes from God, and we can strive for its realization the best way we can" (General Patterns and Specific Lives, Feb. 9, 2008). So--keeping this in mind--the fact that research on "other than mother care" is not allowed is absolutely maddening. No matter what a mother chooses to do, I think she has the right to be informed of the consequences of her choice, as far as that information is available. To withold this information on the basis of "making" a woman feel guilty is completely wrong. Regardless of the choices we make, the positive and negative consequences will be there, and forbidding anyone the opportunity to have an idea of what those consequences may be is nothing more than blatant censorship.

Secondly, the quote from Linda Hershmann "women cannot be fully realized human beings if they don't make work a bigger priority than mothering" is a bold-faced lie. I have been in the corporate world and I am now a stay-at-home mother. I have never been a corporate diva, and maybe Linda has had that empty opportunity, but the corporate world that I am familiar with is filled with people trying to prove their superiority over each other. You work day in and day out on things that aren't really going to matter once you're dead--hoping that you can prove yourself enough to continue up the corporate ladder and gain a position of "true" power someday. I have no idea how this never-ending process of proving yourself, (which continues even after you have "arrived"), brings full-realization to any human being.

Let me tell you about being a fully-realized human being. First of all, the fact that a woman's body can and does make another person is absolutely amazing and brings unanticipated depth and meaning to your life. Then, those first few weeks after the birth push you to your limits--late night and early morning feedings, the roller-coaster of hormones from having a baby, and starting to get this parenting thing down--you really start to learn what you're made of. And, after several weeks, (or months), when you finally get into a schedule, you feel like you can take on the world. If you can calm a screaming child and anticipate and fulfill their every need, you can do ANYTHING. Talk about fully realizing yourself! As you continue to raise your child, you are constantly pushed to your limits. Your home needs organization, your creativity lights up as you promote a developing brain, you contstantly look for ways to improve your self and your surroundings. When you accomplish any of those things or myriad others, you recognize that full realization has nothing to do with corporate meetings, conference calls, or big presentations. Yeah--those things feel good when they're done well--but they offer no long term fulfillment. It's only through being a mother that you work day in and day out on the tiny details of a lifetime that you will most likely not live to see through to fruition. Learning to trust in your self and your abilities to accomplish such a monumental undertaking certainly allows for full realization of both your strengths and your failings--and if you're not frankly looking at both, how can you experience full realization as a human being?

OK--and the last thing--multiple attachments will be normal? Are you kidding me? I remember working in day care with children who were between 12-24 months of age. There were days, (many of them), that parents would come to pick up their kids and the kids would cling to me and cry because they were more attached to me, the babysitter, than the parent. Can I tell you how confused those poor little kids were? Steady home life, to me, is like base camp. You can go off and conquer or be defeated by any mountain--but when you go back to base camp, you can recharge and regroup before you head out on another quest. Without this steady base, you feel fragmented and scattered--and that is reflected in the details of your life. With all that is happening today as a result of parenting the children of yesterday, I can only imagine what tomorrow will be like when "multiple attachments" are the norm.

One of the reasons that this hit me with so much force was that I had read Julie B. Beck's talk from October 2007 General Relief Society Meeting the day before. There were two quotes from her talk that stood out to me:

Knowing and defending the divine roles of women is so important in a world where women are bombarded with false messages about their identity. Popular media figures on the radio and television set themselves up as authorities and spokespersons for women. While these media messages may contain elements of truth, most preach a gospel of individual fulfillment and self-worship, often misleading women regarding their true identity and worth. These voices offer a counterfeit happiness, and as a result, many women are miserable, lonely, and confused.

The things women can and should do very best are championed and taught without apology here. We believe in the formation of eternal families. That means we believe in getting married. We know that the commandment to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force. That means we believe in having children. We have faith that with the Lord's help we can be successful in rearing and teaching children. These are vital responsibilities in the plan of happiness, and when women embrace those roles with all their hearts, they are happy! Knowing and defending the truth about families is the privilege of every sister in this Church. (What Latter-Day Saint Women Do Best: Stand Strong and Immovable, Ensign, Nov. 2006, p. 110)

What a difference between the two schools of thought. Most days, the pull of the world seems so subtle that it can be hard to see where the line is drawn. But, reading these two polar opposites within such a short time frame really struck me with the blatant difference between the pull of my religious beliefs and the pull of the world. How grateful I am that I know what the Lord's standard for me is. It makes it much easier to make my choices and stick to them--even on the days when gratification and excitement seem years off.

Not Judging

I love what Sister Cheryl C. Lant said at the Worldwide Leadership Training meeting a few weeks ago:

We had a large family, and my husband was the bishop when all the children were still very young. I would work all day Saturday and all morning Sunday to get them to church, and I had to get them there early or we just didn’t even get there. We would line the whole bench—the whole center bench was filled with our children on the second row back—and we would be there before the meeting started.

I remember one day a sister came up behind me and leaned over and said, “Sister Lant, if my kids were as good as yours and if it was as easy for me as it is for you, I would have a large family too.”

Well, I started to cry, and I cried clear through the whole meeting. And my husband kept looking at me like “What is wrong? What is wrong?” I was a mess. I completely had a come-apart. And it was because it wasn’t easy.

We tend to judge one another. We judge harshly. Or we judge unfairly as we look at others unkindly. And we don’t really know what one another’s situations are. We just have to love each other.

The Upswing

YAY! YAY! YAY! I seriously cannot write enough YAYs for how happy I am that I'm feeling better today! I'm still not over this darn cold, but for the first time since Saturday, my throat doesn't feel like it's being sliced open with every breath. And, I'm amazed at how much energy I have again. Thanks to a wonderful blessing, I got a good nights sleep last night and just feel SO much better today. I can deal with occasional coughing fits and some congestion for another couple of weeks if I have to--I'm just so glad that the exhaustion, excruciating throat pain, and general not-well-ness are gone!!

This is how it starts...

Last week, Ryan came home from school and told me he'd spent a good part of the day talking with the PhD student in his security lab about the pros and cons of a PhD. And, the first thing I said was, "Isn't this how getting a Masters started, too?" With a darling smile, he admitted that, quite possibly, maybe, this is how we got into our current situation.

Since then, we have been discussing the benefits and opportunity costs of Ryan obtaining a PhD. One second, we start to feel like maybe that's the direction we should go. Then, the next second, we remember that we don't have a dishwasher or a washer/dryer and the siren song of having a real salary (and a house! with a yard! and a washer/dryer and dishwasher!) once again plays in our minds. At this point, we're trying to determine whether the time spent getting a PhD will translate into better employment or if it would lead to being over-qualified for the things Ryan really wants to do with his career. Regardless of ALL of those questions, the main thought is that we just want to do what's right--for our family, and for Ryan, in the long run.

Then, today, Ryan had a job interview. From what Ryan told me, it went really well--the experience he had with his last job is right on track with what these guys are looking for--and they said they will be calling him for a second interview by the end of the week. (Note the verbiage: they will be calling, not we'll be in contact, or something that interviewers like to say.) I really like the sound of the company. It's a small, growing company, (only about 50 employees), completely free of debt and venture captialism, VERY family friendly, fairly close to where we are, and require only a 40-hour work week. Even when they're working to finish a project, they tend to stick with the 40-hour rule. (I love them just for that!) Also, the president of the company will occasionally call a "Family Day" and everyone heads up into the canyon for lunch with their families. All of this fits in with the goals Ryan and I have decided are important in his future employment.

So, if this company continues to think my husband is great, (I realize I'm a bit biased, but honestly, who wouldn't think Ryan is great?), we are going to have a lot of decisions to make in the next few weeks. And, in the end, we'll have to decide whether this is the blessing we've been watching for to ease our financial situation...or whether we are succumbing to the siren song.

Quick...VERY Quick update

I was a bit apprehensive of the Nyquil coma last night, so I waited until the last possible second before bed to take it. That way, I figured, I might possibly be asleep before the worst of it hit. No such luck. I woke up 45 minutes later coughing so hard and frequently that I thought my bronchial tubes would come flying out. (They didn't.) I thought that maybe sleeping propped up would help...so I grabbed my pillow and a blanket and got comfy on the couch. I guess it doesn't really matter what I try, I'm still going to have a terrible night's sleep until this sickness is completely gone. Unfortunately, so far, it's hanging on like a bad house guest.

I've Been Tagged!

Megan tagged me...hmm...probably a week ago now. I'm finally getting to it! I know you're all DYING to read this information. :)

What I was doing 10 years ago: Finishing up my sophomore year at BYU. I seriously think that was the most fun year of my entire college career. See this if you want details.

5 Things on my "to-do" list today: Hmmm...since the day is almost over, I can post what I did. 1. Visiting teachers came over, (risking lung and throat, since I'm still sick). 2. Sleep. 3. Eat ice cream, (only thing that makes a difference on my throat at the moment). 4. Pray that Nyquil induces a coma like it did yesterday afternoon, but failed to do last night. 5. Profusely thank my wonderful husband for taking such good care of me all day today--including a run for lemon chiffon frozen custard that I couldn't live without tonight!

3 of my bad habits: Only 3? Hmmm... 1. Wasting time on the computer. 2. Waiting until I'm fixing dinner to do the dishes from the entire day. 3. Staying up later than I really should.

Places I've lived: Mesa, AZ; Riga, Latvia; Tallinn, Estonia; Vilnius, Lithuania; Provo, UT

Things most people don't know about me: **I feel like I'm such an open book that there's not much people don't know.** I played the violin for about a year in elementary school; I took several cake decorating classes when I was about 12; I can touch the tip of my nose with my tongue.

Thumbs Down!!

That's what I give my weekend. A HUGE thumbs down. It started off innocently enough on Friday: a prickly throat, an occasional cough...by that evening, I was hoping I could fend off the impending illness. Well, I didn't.

Saturday, I spent pretty much the entire day moving from my bed to the couch and eating soup and saltines. Sunday, I still felt a bit yucky, but thought I was on the upside. Until that night...I was coughing so much that I managed to make my throat raw and keep myself from sleeping. After drinking some "Sleepy Time" tea with a little honey and taking a vitamin that makes me sleep, I finally drifted off somewhere between 1:30-2 a.m. (I'm sure that's normal for some of you, but, besides midterms and final exam time in college, it has never been normal for me!) I woke up at 6:30 when Kallie came into our room to get up for the day. By then, I was so congested and my throat was so sore that I couldn't sleep anyway. So, I waited a while until Urgent Care opened and headed on over there. Basically, I'm just sick and there's nothing I can do about it. (Nevermind that I'm coughing up and blowing out technicolor blobs...) The Dr. was going to prescribe some cough medicine with codeine, but after informing him that all narcotics make me throw-up, (something I've learned between getting my wisdom teeth out and 2 c-sections), he told me that pretty much my only option was Nyquil.

As much as I hate taking drugs, I was willing to drink the entire bottle of Nyquil for some kind of relief. It's a good thing I only took the suggested dose, because I was in a Nyquil stupor for quite a large chunk of my day. At one point, after sleeping for what I felt was about 2 hours, Ryan came into the bedroom and commented that I hadn't slept yet. I assured him that I had, but was then puzzled by the comment.

So, here I sit. My throat feels like it has turned into very sensitive, sandpaper-covered, small rocks jamming themselves together every time I cough, swallow, breathe, etc. My fever is now up to 101, (Why couldn't it have spiked this morning?), and I'm not looking forward to another Nyquil induced coma.

Whitney's Turn

OK--since I wrote the funny things Kallie has done lately, I needed to write down some of Whitney's accomplishments lately.

First of all, she's REALLY picking up on signing. Her latest sign word is "noodles". It's just swirling your pinky fingers away from each other like a spiral noodle--but when Whitney does it, her arms and entire body get into it, so she looks like she's doing the Funky Chicken. It's hilarious!

Whitney has also started to say a few words here and there. Nothing consistent yet, but she has definitely said, "no," "done," and "night-night." It's exciting to watch her try these things out.

The last thing is that Whitney is finally starting to show an interest in walking. Kallie walked at 12 1/2 mos., but was free standing in the middle of the floor at 11 1/2 mos. Whitney still won't stand on her own, but has recently started to push her "walky toy" around the house. She also loves to push anything stable and slidable across the floor. I'm just hoping that she'll decide walking's the way to go before too long. I'm tired of carrying her!