Piece of Cake

Most of you know that my baby turned one this week. Ok--probably all of you know that. (Because all 12 of you are also facebook friends.) A few weeks prior to the event, I had in my mind how I was going to make it a special and memorable day for...um, his siblings? Because who remembers their first birthday? Not me. Not my other kids, that's for sure.

In my mind, I saw a Very Hungry Caterpillar themed birthday party. I would make a Pinterest-worthy birthday banner, using the different items the caterpillar eats through in the book. I would decorate with red and green...maybe a few balloons, maybe some streamers, but it would be festive. Most of all, I would make Little T the cutest cake. I toyed with the idea of putting mini-cupcakes on top of the actual birthday cake, decorating all of the above so it would look like the caterpillar on a leaf. As it drew nearer, I decided to go with full-sized cupcakes in the shape of the cute little caterpillar.

So, I made cupcakes. And they didn't turn out. But, I had a little extra batter, which I poured into a pan and baked, (because there was enough). The cake wouldn't come out of the pan, in spite of the fact that I totally greased it. And it's a non-stick type of pan. (I think I was laughing by this point.) So in the pan it stayed and this is what I ended up with:

 

I am actually kind of embarrassed to put that picture on my blog. I took cake decorating classes years ago and enjoy making cute cakes for my kids' birthdays. They're not over-the-top amazing, but they have all looked better than this one. As I was decorating it and actually laughing about how horrible it looked, Ryan jokingly commented that he's seen what I'm capable of--so I shouldn't worry too much about this one. Not to mention, I love cooking/baking, etc. and the cake itself did NOT turn out. Ryan, not jokingly, assured me that the cake really did taste good, though.

 

But this story isn't really about the cake. Because what most of you don't know is that for the past 4 (or so) months, I have been dealing with post-partum depression. I've consistently said it was mild, but it got pretty challenging for a while there. During the worst of it, I didn't tell many people. At first, the only people who knew were my husband and my friend who babysat while I was going to my therapy appointments. But as things began to get better, I told a few more of my friends, some of whom were VERY influential in helping me make progress. I'm definitely on the downside now, thank goodness. I can't say it's completely gone yet and I do still have some days (fewer and further between) where I wonder if it will ever fully go away. But for the most part, life is a lot better than it was a few months ago.

 

But even that is not the point of my story. The point of it is where the cake situation and post-partum depression collide--in a good way--to show me what I've learned in the last few months. There are few more things I have to explain before we get there, though.

 

Part of post-partum depression is that your expectations for yourself do not match up with the reality of your life. And you constantly feel like you're failing. You don't have the mental capacity nor the physical energy to keep up with everything you used to--and, therefore, you fail. (Again.) (And again.) (Oh, and one more time.) This feeling of constant failure brought me to tell my therapist that not having a clean house reflects poorly on me. Misbehaving children reflect poorly on me. Anything that isn't done perfectly--or at least to my personal, way-too-high, exacting standards--reflects poorly on me.

 

And then she explained something to me that has taken me a long time to really embrace. (Still working on it, actually. I think I'm getting there though...most days.) She said, "You are not your house," and then extended that idea to my children's behavior and those other "anythings" that I feel I don't do perfectly. She reminded me of all of the capabilities and qualities I have--not the external manifestation of those qualities, but what's actually inside of me--and explained that the state of my house (or insert any other imperfection here) does not represent those talents and abilities that make me who I am.

 

Which brings me back to the cake. In the moment I was decorating the cake, when I realized how horrible it was turning out, I made a choice. Instead of putting ME into the cake, instead of piling another guilt rock into my backpack, instead of freaking out (internally or externally) that it wasn't perfect, I decided that this cake did not represent me or my love for my child. It was a cake. That's all.

 

In the past few months, I have learned that motherhood is about being ME--and not a mom. All of those things that you see and hear other moms doing? Those are them being THEM. Not a mom. It's about giving yourself permission, (because really, who else will give it to you once you're an adult?), to be YOU. It's about letting go of your expectations and realizing that just being YOU is enough in the first place. And it's about detaching yourself from external sources of self-confidence or weakness and finding those things within yourself. I'm definitely still working on this. It will probably take years to change my thinking and fully apply this idea. But I hope as I continue to grow into this concept, I can remember the moment when it looked like a piece of cake.

Segeberg Scoop - February 2013

Close to the end of last month, I realized that once upon a time, I wrote a monthly family newsletter. Maybe it was the blogging, maybe it was facebook, maybe it was that we moved, or that life got too busy. But, somehow along the way to 4 kids, I not only stopped writing it, I completely FORGOT that I used to write one at all. There are so many things worth documenting in our busy lives that I wonder how I could have ever stopped? Well, it’s time to change that. Without further ado, I present our Segeberg Scoop—February 2013, (and some catch up and January, too).

We’ll start with Tanner. Since the beginning of the year, Tanner has started officially crawling. For a while, we called him our “carpet swimmer” since his version of scooting around looked like he was swimming the breast stroke on the floor. It was incredibly cute. Within the past month or so, he went from primarily swimming to primarily crawling on all fours. He has also been pulling up to his knees, with and without furniture, for a while now. (And just this week, he has started occasionally pulling to a full stand!) One of his favorite places to crawl to (and pull up at) is underneath the computer desk. Tanner recently started trying table foods. He loves cheese, but it doesn’t seem to love him for now. But pears, apples, bread, and crackers are some of his favorites. He has also been trying to mimic a few signs—“daddy” ends up as a palm to the forehead, “mommy” is a palm to the chest, and for “cereal,” he holds out a fist of wiggly fingers. It’s cute to watch him try to figure out how to make his body do what he wants it to. Even when he’s frustrated or unhappy, he’s got a ready smile for ANYONE who happens to look. He’s generally a happy little guy and we love his sweet little personality.

Clayton is next. Last year, Clayton was in a music class once a week. He would sing the songs at home, but would very rarely participate when we went to class. After much discussion, Ryan and I decided to try something else for him this year. We signed him up for a little gym class and he LOVES it. During the first class, they gave him a t-shirt, (red, his favorite color), and he wore it for nearly a week straight. He doesn’t particularly love the circle time, (will often just stand and watch), but the rest of the class is a blast. He begs to stay longer every. single. week. We’re glad he’s loving it so much. Clayton also moved into the Sunbeam class in January. He was not excited about going to Primary. He cried and begged me to stay. After staying with him for shorter amounts of time during Opening Exercises, last week, he finally went without much drama. It was a momentous day for him. (Although I didn’t let him know—I was glad the drama was over!) We’re also thinking about potty training Clayton. I signed him up for preschool next fall and one of the requirements is that the kids are potty trained. We hope he’ll start thinking along those same lines soon. (I am definitely tired of changing his diapers!)

Whitney is in the middle of her kindergarten year. She loves school. I recently had her second “parent-teacher conference” and her teacher couldn’t say enough good about Whitney. She is succeeding at all of her basics and is very much a helper in class. Whitney was also the Student of the Month in February. (Although she didn’t tell me about the papers in her backpack and I missed the assembly where she was honored. I was so sad!) The academic aspects of school are fun, but she’s definitely in it for the social. Whitney is such a social butterfly that it’s hard to imagine that she’s an introvert. (She does HAVE to have down time to process life, though.) This year, Whitney started piano. She (for the most part) enjoys practicing and playing. She recently started with a new teacher and seems to like that so far as well. Whitney also has started really reading. Last summer, she completely had the ability to read, but just wouldn’t. Over the past few months, she has decided that she CAN read and does it all the time. I love this shift in her abilities and confidence. Whitney still loves to imagine. She and Clayton love to play “Jake and the Neverland Pirates” (he’s Jake, she’s Izzy) or “babies” (they are each the parent of their own baby). I love watching them play together.

Kallie is a confident second grader. She, too, loves school. Her teacher also had a lot of good things to say at her parent-teacher conference. If we ever wonder where Kallie is or what she’s doing, chances are she’s reading a book. Last summer, she read the entire Little House on the Prairie series and LOVED it. In fact, she loved it so much that if I suggest something “like Laura,” Kallie is on board. She is even planning on having a “Little House on the Prairie” birthday party in a few months. Kallie is also currently my right hand girl. During the “witching hours”—between when the boys get up from naps and when Ryan gets home—she is a great helper with Tanner. Kallie has been taking piano lessons for a year and a half now, (we switched Kallie and Whitney to a new teacher at the same time). She is really picking it up and quite enjoys it, in spite of her occasional frustrations about some part or another being “so hard.”

Being an adult can be kind of mundane, as exhibited by Ryan’s and my updates. Ryan’s recent excitement was getting an R/C car for his birthday. The kids have also really enjoyed that gift, although they don’t really get to drive it. They just enjoy spending time outside with dad while he runs his car up and down our street. He also passed his 4 year mark at Microsoft in January. This may seem like small potatoes, but that’s the longest he’s been with a company so far, (thank you college and grad school). He is still serving as the Scout Committee Chair in our ward.

As for me, after a year-long opportunity to work with our ward choir, I was recently called back to the Young Women’s organization…this time, as first counselor. This was FANTASTIC news, as I have really missed being in there with those girls. I love being part of the YW and being able to watch the girls as they grow in their understanding of the gospel. It’s an amazing place to be! My other big event from February is that I bought tickets for Ryan and me to meet his parents in the Baltics when their mission ends in August. I am beyond excited! I’ve reserved our apartments in both Tallinn and Riga…and hope to have Vilnius pegged down by the end of the week. It’s hard to believe that in 6 months, we will be home from that long-anticipated trip!

Well, there is our life in a nutshell. Hopefully future updates won’t be quite as long…

Liebster

I am honored to be nominated for the Leibster Blog Award from Heidi at Bartle Bulletin. If you haven't read her blog before, I HIGHLY recommend it. She is a fantastic writer and conveys the ins and outs of family life in a way that is very relatable and fun to read. Plus, your kid will never top her Gavin stories. ;)
 

As for the award, turns out that Leibster is a German word that means favorite.  This award is passed from one blogger to another as a way to tell them that you enjoy reading their blog--and they should keep it up!

 

To be honest, as I was scrolling through Heidi's post, I wondered if I was nominated. By the end, I convinced myself that surely I wasn't on the list. And then I kind of cringed when I saw my name because I wasn't sure I wanted to actually try to come up with 11 things and THEN 11 questions. But, it was so fun to be thought of and nominated that I decided to play along. Here's what I have to do:

1. Post 11 random things about myself.
2. Answer the 11 questions my nominator set for me.
3. Create 11 questions for my nominees.
4. Nominate 11 other bloggers with fewer than 200 followers (no tag-backs).
5. Go to each of their blogs to tell them about their nominations.

 

My 11 Things

1. I can touch my nose with the tip of my tongue.

2. My degree is in Family Science--and not because I was married, engaged, or even seriously dating someone during college. I simply find familial interactions fascinating.

3. I have had a scar above my left eyebrow for as long as I can remember. It has significantly faded, but there, nonetheless.

4. My husband is a few years younger than I am.

5. Until I met Ryan, I thought I would marry someone several years older.

6. I was homeschooled for 6-8 grades.

7.  One of my goals for this year is to hang pictures on my walls.

8. I've lived in my house for almost 3 years.

9. Pippin and I started Puppy Manners class on Wednesday. I think I will actually be able to enjoy my dog now.

10. I rarely do dishes or vacuum. Very rarely.

11. I haven't put my favorite nativity away yet. I usually like to leave it up anyway--but this year, it's not up on purpose. It just hasn't made it back into the boxes yet.

 

Heidi's 11 Questions
1. When was the last time you brushed your teeth? This morning. (Whew--thanks for asking today.)

2. How many days per week do you make your bed? On average? 0.

3. What does the last text you received say? "Ahhh pregnancy such an interesting ride"--from my pregnant sister.

4. If you could do anything you wanted for a day, what would that be? Travel on a plane to Hawaii to start a week-long vacation.

5. Are most of your friends real or virtual? Real. But probably not by a large margin.

6. With how many adults have you spoken in person today? 2, my husband being one of them.

7. What did you have for lunch (or your last meal) today? Quinoa salad with scrambled egg mixed in.

8. If you could go to lunch with anyone, with whom would you dine? My first thought was Rachel, my college roommate. I really just love talking to her.

9. Are you hungry yet? Or craving grown-up conversation? Not yet. But the day is still young.

10. If your toenails are painted, what color are they? Rockstar Pink, (that's what the bottle said).

11. What's your favorite Gavin story? Body surfing on the table with bananas.

 

And now for the lucky 11! (You know you want to!) These are in no particular order. They're just blogs that I love to stop by and read. I nominate the following bloggers, (linked unless they're private):

 

Mickelle at Scattered Sunshine

Katie at The Tylers

Kendra at The Pettit Family

Rachel at The Times of Rachel

Kristi at The Larsen's Whatever Blog

Mel at The Broadbent Fam

Jamie at JJREA

Erin at The Wells Family

Shannon at Bowling for Cute

Ashlee at konashkimsamalli

Rebecca at Love Like Crazy

 

Your 11 Questions

1. When was the last time you cried?

2. What is your favorite outfit?

3. What is your most recent triumph?

4. Where have you always wanted to visit, but haven't yet?

5. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up?

6. When you have 10 minutes of time to spare between responsibilities, what do you do?

7. What is your least favorite household chore?

8. What is the household chore you might actually look forward to?

9. What is your favorite kids' music?

10. What talent do you wish you had developed in your youth?

11. Without looking it up, what's your favorite go-to recipe?

 

Don't feel like you have to play along--but it would be fun for me to see your answers to my questions and your 11 things on your blog!

Put a Sock in It

I have a confession to make. I have been on Pinterest. Yes, me. That girl that doesn't do Pinterest. I have perused that pictorial wonderland a handful of times recently.

It all started a couple of months ago when my friend, Jenny, was hanging out at my house and wanted to show me something she had pinned. (I can't for the life of me remember what it was...but it was relevant to our conversation at the time.) Since then, when I pop up a blank tab on IE, one of the little "recently visited" boxes offers to take me to Jenny's Pinterest board. And because she's my friend, and because we have similar interests, and because curiosity killed the cat, I've clicked over a few times.

And on one of those clandestine visits, while I was skimming over her pins, I found something that changed my life:

THE SOCK BUN.

It shouldn't come as a surprise to any woman that I have a love/hate relationship with my hair. Just like most women, I have phases of leaning more toward one side of that relationship than the other--but it usually balances out as I resign myself to the state of my hair, for better or worse.

Just prior to my amazing discovery, I was at one of those critical crossroads of hair styles. You know, when you HAVE to do something different or you may end up shaving your head? (At least that's what you threaten... Or that's what I threaten...) I really like having my hair long. It lends itself well to many quick and easy hairstyles. But a ponytail only takes you so far in life. And my hair, ponytail or not, kept getting stuck in/on things or just plain getting in the way. So, I was definitely in the market for something new.

New, this definitely was. You cut the toe off of a sock, roll that sock into a ring, put your hair in a ponytail, slide said ring over pony, and then starting at the ends, roll your hair around the sock until it reaches your head. You can just leave it rolled like that or slide a few bobby pins in, (which I always do--just because it feels more secure).

I am, admittedly, always a little wary of trying hairstyles I find online. What works beautifully for a girl with thick, well-textured hair just never turns out the same on my baby-fine, slightly-less-than-average thickness hair. So, per usual, I was a little wary of this particular tutorial. But, I courageously forged ahead anyway and out came this:

And I loved it. Finally, an easy hair style that gave my hair the illusion of being thick and well-textured! Fancy enough for a night out, but casual enough to toss up so you can go to the grocery store. Another bonus is that this makes for AMAZING second-day hair.

Take THAT, stick-straight hair! (Well, take THAT on a sunny day...because no curl will EVER hold in this hair on a rainy day...)

The moral of this story is: I still don't do Pinterest. And I still don't intend to. But, my hair and I are glad that Jenny does.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to take a sock out of my hair.

Power to the Introvert

My second child, Whitney, didn't walk until she was 16 mos. old. She wasn't the tiniest thing--really was probably pretty average--and I was getting REALLY tired of carrying her EVERYWHERE. As a way to encourage her further mobility, I would set her down, on her feet, in the middle of our small family room floor. I figured when she was ready, she would take those 3-4 baby steps to the couch. But, without fail, she chose instead to carefully lower herself to the floor, keeping her balance the entire way down, and then crawl to the destination of her choice. I knew she could walk--she just wouldn't. I was really puzzled by her behavior. But, she finally DID walk--and once she did, she didn't stop. There wasn't any "3 steps here or there" situations...she was a full-on walker.

Fast forward to a few years later. At age 3, (plus a couple of months), I decided it was past time to potty train Whitney. Training pants, candy, and new character panties were purchased; charts were printed and we began the process. And nothing happened. And by that I mean that she just wouldn't do it. I knew that she had the ability--but again, she refused to keep her unders dry. So, I put her back in diapers. And then before too long, she had potty trained herself. There were no night time diapers, no pull-ups when we went to the grocery store, no "oh--you ALMOST made it!" accidents. She was completely potty trained.

Sometime between then and now, Ryan read a book called, "The Introvert Advantage." According to this book, introverts and extroverts have differing patterns and processes of thought. (I'm sure that's a "duh" statement--but the book explains that in greater detail.) Among other ideas, the book explained that extroverts are willing to try out something new and if it doesn't work out--oh well. While introverts won't even attempt a new experience until they are 100% certain that they can be successful. I have known since Whitney was very little that she is an introvert. She recharges her batteries by being alone and closing into her own little world. Suddenly, the light bulb went on. THAT is why she didn't walk until she could do it perfectly! THAT is why she didn't potty train until she was 100% dry! My world, and Whitney's, made a little more sense to me.

Fast forward again to the end of last school year. Whitney had started reading words she saw at the store, on TV, or in other random places. I pulled out our BOB book collections and started having her read to me. We would make it through one book...maybe two...and she'd be done for the day. And after a little while, she refused to read anymore. Again, I KNEW she could do it. She'd already read several books to me! And, she was still reading random words she saw. She would still "read" books--looking only at the pictures--but would absolutely not sound out any more words to me. I tried to encourage her in many different ways, to no avail. She refused. And I stopped bugging her about it.

Yesterday, she came to me and said, "Mom, I want to read the Rainbow Magic Fairy books." When I told her that she would need to read the words rather than the pictures, she agreed. She explained that her friend read those books and, "If Ame can do it, then so can I, Mom!" (Those books have been some of Kallie's favorites, too!) So, I promised Whitney that if she would read the rest of the BOB books we have, I would check out some Rainbow Magic Fairy books from the library for her. Today, Whitney sat down after school and read 8 BOB books to me. In a row. (That's half of the second collection!) After about 4 books, I asked if she was getting tired and wanted to be done. She said, "No way, Mom! I love reading!"

Watching and listening to her read today, I saw those little introvert tendencies popping out. She really doesn't prefer to sound out the words. She'd rather just read it in her head and then say the correct word the first time. But she's reading again. (As a side note, I mentioned this story to Ame's mom this morning. According to her, Ame is still in the very early stages of reading and doesn't really read the Rainbow Magic Fairy books yet. Her mom lets her take them to school to encourage her own reading skills. Shhh! Don't tell Whitney!)

I'm sure we'll encounter many other situations that will challenge Whitney's introvert personality. But, because of her track record, I'm completely convinced that if she's going to take it on, she'll definitely succeed 100%.

Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego and Mothering

Yesterday, we were reading in Daniel 3 for our girls' Primary scripture reading program. In this chapter, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego refused to worship the king, instead choosing to worship only God. Because of their faithfulness to God, they were cast into a furnace burning so hot that it killed the king's servants who put these three young men into the fire. But they were pulled out of the furnace when the king saw that they were not burning.

Sometimes, it's hard to liken these experiences to myself--because they seem so different from what I'm experiencing. But at this point in my life, verse 28 really struck me:

Then Nebuchadnezzar spake, and said, Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abed-nego, who hath sent his angel, and delivered his servants that trusted in him, and have changed the king’s word, and yielded their bodies, that they might not serve nor worship any god, except their own God.

I've had a lot of opportunity lately to consider mothering. It seems that in the things I've read and listened to recently, anything about improving my abilities as a mother has stood out. And at that moment, this verse spoke of mothering to me. I likened this scripture to myself:

"...Blessed be the God of [Amanda], who hath sent his angel, and delivered his servant [Amanda] that trusted in him, and have changed [the world's] word, and yielded [her] body, that [she] might not serve or worship any god, except [her] own God."

Since having my fourth child, I have noticed people paying a lot more attention to me and my little brood in public. I see some people mentally count my little chicks, then raise their eyebrows, as we pass them in the store. Some just stare in amazement. One mother, who had 2 very young boys in her cart, passed me while muttering, "And I thought my hands were full..." I can't count how many times I've heard similar phrases when we're out and about! I see these opinions as being "cast into the fire," in a manner of speaking. The comments are generally fine. But sometimes, the comments are meant to be scathing--to burn--to make the point that I haven't chosen to worship the same gods that they have chosen to worship.

But even as they cast me into the "fire" of their opinion, I realize how God protects and helps me in the midst of the fire. If I'm realistic, I have to agree, YES! My hands are full! And then I think, "Isn't it great?! They're full of little people who are interesting and creative and learning and growing. This is what life is about!" That doesn't mean that life with several kids isn't challenging, repetitive, and overwhelming at times. But, I know in the deepest part of me that my husband and I were prompted by God to bring each one of these children into our home.

Trusting in God's plan has meant that I have to let go of some things that prevent me from being a better mother. I have to realign myself and focus on doing and being those things that give me the strength and ability to handle the challenges inherent to having four young children. (I'm not perfect in the process of letting go and realigning--but I'm working on it!) Doing what God has asked of me is one way I choose show that I worship Him. Rufusing to bow to the opinions of the world is another.

Maybe I'm a little presumptuous in connecting myself with those three faithful young men. I certainly hope that I will never have to endure what they experienced. But I do hope as the fires of opinon burn around me that people will also see that the hand of God is what allows me to pass through unscathed.

Letters

It's time, once again, for an installment of letters...
*****

Dear teenagers playing with fireworks next to us on the beach:

Just in case you were wondering, accidents happen. I get that. But, when the exact same thing happens AGAIN, it is no longer an accident. And, as far as fireworks are concerned, all it takes is ONE accident to ruin a life. I wonder how your parents would have felt if they had to replace the BMW SUV they let you borrow for the night because a firework "accidentally" got lodged underneath? Or how they would have reacted if they had to pay for hospital bills for someone hurt because of the way you were playing with fireworks?
Please forgive the tone of my voice that night. I would have preferred to actually walk over and talk to you instead of yelling from where I was standing. I hope you'll understand that I was too busy trying to protect my children and myself from the shrapnel flying from your tipped explosives. If I had to do it over again, I'd be a little more specific than just telling you to "knock it off." Perhaps if I'd been more clear the first time, you wouldn't have had to hear me threaten to call the police after it happened again.
Oh, and remember before I even said a word to you, when your bumper fell off and you drove over it? Yeah. That would have been pretty funny, if I wasn't concerned about you hitting my car, which I happened to be sitting by. Pulling donuts on a beach crowded with people celebrating 4th of July just ISN'T a good idea. And, in answer to the question one of you posed to no one in particular: It always happens to you because you don't think before you act. Obviously.

Sincerely,
Mama Bear
*****

Dear body,

Are you amazed as I am that 3 different people in the past two weeks have thought you didn't look old enough to have 4 kids...or a 7 year old? Must be the new anti-aging stuff I got a month ago.

Sincerely,
Thirty-something
*****

Dear June,

I forgive you for being a little gloomy. After 3 years in WA, we should know that you're just like that.

Sincerely,
Lowered Expectations
*****

Dear July,

It's about time. Thanks for the sunshine!

Sincerely,
Western WA
*****

Dear Deception Pass:

Apparently, walking along your length with a baby strapped to me, a 180 foot drop on one side, and cars whizzing by on the other, while watching my toddler being carried in front of me (at railing height), is a little TOO much for my mother heart to handle. Hopefully, my minor panic attack wasn't too obvious. Thankfully, I could still admire your beauty from the tiny parking lot. You really are incredible.

Sincerely,
Apparently Afraid of Heights
*****

Dear chocolate,

I really wish you got along better with Tanner. I really miss you.

Sincerely,
Intensely Craving

The Purpose of...Katy Perry?

Last week, on the last day of school, Kallie came home bubbling with a million different emotions. School was out, summer was in. Somehow, while we were talking about everything, Kallie said, "I love Katy Perry!" Cue me inwardly freaking out. OK--I may have outwardly freaked out a little too, because instead of being the rational, calm parent that I always am, (um...you can stop laughing now), I immediately launched into a lecture: "No. You don't like her. You don't even know what her music is about! She doesn't dress modestly and she does naughty things!" In spite of my immediate attempt to clean up that disaster by asking questions, Kallie clammed up.

In the moments that have followed that 3-minute experience, I have kicked myself repeatedly, (but gently), for what I consider a parenting FAIL. And I have given a lot of thought to the future of my darling daughter and my family. I feel like I've all of a sudden been dumped into a whole new realm of parenting that I wasn't prepared to enter for at least another 3-5 years. Maybe I'm being a little over-dramatic. But, as one who studied Family Science in college, I feel like I need to try to prepare myself a little more intensely for what is in my parenting future.

So, recently, I've been thinking a lot about how to improve my parenting. Especially as I have found myself, on many occasions, speaking to my kids with more volume and/or less kindness than I would prefer. I have been reminded of the power of scripture study and fervent prayer--how a daily choice to include both in my schedule serves as a balance and support as I move through my day.

Yesterday, while talking with a friend, I shared with her a phrase another friend shared during the Relief Society lesson on Father's Day. She said, "The purpose of the task is to strengthen the relationship." I vaguely remembered hearing some similar ideas, especially in the midst of my college classes, and I thought, "Yeah--I like that." But, after it tumbled around in my brain for the week, it popped back up at just the right time--and it really struck me. I want that to be my parenting focus for now.

(Image from www.beckyhiggins.com)

So, I have decided to print up several copies of this image and hang it all over my house so I (and my family) can see and remember that one of the purposes of life is to cultivate and strengthen good, healthy relationships. Most of all, I hope this phrase and image will serve as a visual reminder of the kind of parent that I want to be, especially as I look ahead to the teenage years.

I guess I'm kind of grateful for Katy Perry after all. (I NEVER thought I would say that!) The mention of her name alone has brought about a change for the better in my life and home and, I hope, in my family.

First Learn Lesson One

Last night for Family Home Evening, Ryan chose "Love at Home" for our opening song. Ryan and I often laugh when our kids complain, "Why do we have to sing that one AGAIN?," and then we answer "First learn Lesson One..." because we remember hearing something similar in a talk once. (Does anyone else remember that talk? Was that in Conference? I can't find it.)

Today, I was on my way home from grocery shopping with three kids. Tanner was crying and Whitney was trying to sing to him. She, interestingly enough, chose "Love at Home." Clayton, being a contrary 2 year old, was yelling at her to stop singing. It was then that I realized she couldn't remember the words and was singing, "There is joy in every sound..." over and over. I laughed at the irony.

But then I had to stop and think for a minute. Here I was, in a confined space and exhausted from grocery shopping at two stores with several kids, listening to a crying baby, a screaming toddler, and a singing 5 year old. I wondered if there really was joy in EVERY sound. And if the person who wrote that song was ever in a similar situation. Because if they had been, the lyrics might "There is joy in most sounds..."

Then I thought that I should find joy in every sound. It means that I HAVE kids. That they have the ability to talk and to listen. That they are developing their own little personalities. That I get to be home with them to hear these funny (although sometimes stressful) situations.

When I started thinking of how to find joy in those sounds, it really helped my deteriorating attitude to perk up a bit. Who knew that even I am still working on learning Lesson One?

Oh, Happy Day

Today has been a really great day.

We started it by taking our kids to participate in a ward service project on the grounds of the Seattle Temple. I'm not sure how much we really helped, especially since I spent a good chunk of time feeding Tanner in the car. But, more important than what we actually did was teaching our kids that's just what we do. I'm so glad we went.

Later in the day, as we were in between a few activities, one of our neighbors showed up, offering to give us a nice, barely used tricycle. Ryan has been her home teacher for a few months now, in spite of the fact that she hasn't attended church since we moved into the ward 2 years ago. Apparently, she's prepping for a garage sale and didn't want an "insulting" offer on the beautiful trike. She said she'd rather give it away to someone who she knew would enjoy it. Clayton has certainly already been enjoying it! He went out to ride it and didn't even want to come in for dinner tonight. I feel like it's such a perfect blessing right now, as I was just starting the process of finding a trike or Big Wheel for Clayton.

Finally, as you can see from the button in my sidebar, my inlaws are currently serving a mission. They were called to the Baltic Mission--which is where I served my mission! I was THRILLED because it meant we could go visit them AND I could finally show Ryan where I served. A few months in, they were reassigned to serve in the Bulgaria, Sofia mission. I was a little bummed, but looked forward to visiting them in yet another part of the world that I hadn't yet seen. Since then, Ryan and I have been talking about the trip we intended to take next summer and wondering if the trip would be worth the money, since Bulgaria really hasn't been on our bucket list. In addition, Carissa's roommate, Hillary, is living in Lithuania this summer. Since I'm reading Hil's blog on a near-daily basis, (and talking to her occasionally when she and Carissa skype), I have been feeling a little homesick for those places that are so close to my heart. So, in skyping with my inlaws tonight, we discussed the option of meeting them in the Baltics at the end of their mission and touring the area together. Of course, we would be going during a less-desirable, (read: colder), time of year--but I suppose in the grand scheme of things, that's really not going to matter. The thought that I may still get to go back to the Baltics makes me so happy!

For all of the craziness of today, (grumpy kids, almost being rear-ended, lots of errands), these few small events sure made it a great day!