Joy: Day 6

Thank God for the joys of family life. 

I have often said there can be no genuine happiness

separate and apart from a good home.  The sweetest influences

and associations of life are there.  Life cannot be fully successful,

no matter what goals we attain in the material world,

no matter what honors of men come to us in our lives,

if we fail as fathers, mothers, and children.

--Ezra Taft Benson

Growing up, I wouldn't have considered my family especially close.  Sure, my brothers and sisters and I learned to co-exist together, but it often seemed there were as many arguments and frustrations as there were quiet and/or enjoyable times.  However, now that I can look back on those years--and now that I see where we have ended up--I would have to say that my family is pretty close.  When we get together and hang out now, we (mostly) enjoy each others' company.  Sure we still have moments, few and far between, of power struggles and other disruptions.  But, overall, we enjoy spending time with each other and quite often talk, text, facebook, or e-mail one another.  We all know what's happening in our siblings' lives and find joy in encouraging, helping, and just talking with each other.

Today, I had the opportunity to text with my mom about a party we're going to throw for one of my siblings in December.  Recently, my older brother successfully defended his dissertation and, therefore, will graduate with his PhD in December.  After 6 1/2 LONG years of moving their family every summer for his studies, not to mention late nights, grant proposal writing, etc., he and his wife (and their 4.5 children) certainly deserve a celebration!  And, I can't help but share in their joy.  Over the years of his hard work, we have prayed, fasted, encouraged, cheered, and tried to do what we could to help them reach this point.  Just this past summer, while he was interviewing for a very-good-for-him-and-his-family position, we fasted and prayed for him and his family.  He got the job, which brought his family within a 12 hour drive of us--where it had been a 3-4 day drive before.  Talk about joy!  When you invest your heart in something like that, how can you not feel joy in his success? Thus, being able to FINALLY plan this party brings me a lot of joy!  Not to mention, it's a lot of fun to come up with a bunch of ideas to be sifted over and finally (eventually) presented in a fabulous event!

Another joy I have been experiencing lately is that of helping my inlaws prepare for their mission.  In a little less than a month, they will enter the MTC--on my 10 year MTC-entrance anniversary--and after a week or two will head out to the Baltic Mission, which is the same mission I served in!  They get to serve in my favorite city!  Over the past few weeks, I have been helping with Russian lessons, sharing (over and over) memories of the city, and shopping with my mother-in-law for her missionary wardrobe.  The joy I have felt in sharing in their preparations has been amazing! 

As part of sending my inlaws off, I have wanted to prepare a Lavtian dinner for them before they left.  A few months ago, I searched online for recipes and began to prepare the menu.  I bookmarked a few recipes, but managed not to bookmark one of them.  This past Sunday, I was reviewing the menu and realized I couldn't find that ONE chicken dish I planned to make.  I remembered a bit of what was in it, but no internet search could pull up the ONE recipe I had my heart set on.  Having been touched by Devn Cornish's conference talk on prayer and his story of the quarter for chicken, I asked for help in finding that ONE recipe.  Yeah--it wasn't very important and I could always make something else.  But, for some reason, that recipe was important to me.

Today, that prayer was answered.  By looking on a site I'd seen 1000 times in my previous searches, I clicked on one recipe that I was sure wasn't it--but then it was.  It brought me joy to have such a simple, insignificant prayer answered.  Knowing that no matter how small I am, how small my request is, Heavenly Father is aware of me brings me joy.  I am so excited to share this dish with my inlaws and have found joy (once again) in planning their send-off dinner!



Joy: Day 5 (Or By The Minute)

Don't worry...I'm not going to detail EVERY minute of my joy today.  I have a tendency to forget some of the things I've felt joyful about during my day--so today, as I felt joy, I kept a list of the time and the happening on my phone.  Here it is:

7:18 Dippy eggs with white toast.  (Which is about the ONLY thing my tummy can handle for breakfast these days!)
8:30 Played the "Bus Time Game" with Kallie.  We both estimate the minute the bus will arrive.  Closest person wins.
8:36 Kallie won the game for the first time EVER with a guess of 8:37.
8:52 Whitney said, "Zat fweaked me out," when I accidentally bumped the "PANIC" button on my car key fob.
8:57 Listened to Clayon name animals I didn't know he knew.  (These third kids seem to slide things past you like that...)
9:01 Clayton asked me to comb his hair and put a barrette in.  I brushed it and then explained that boys don't wear barrettes.
9:04 Felt a tiny hand wrap itself around my arm and give me pats.
9:57 Snagged an amazingly close parking spot at Wal-Mart.
10:33 Listened to Clayton clapping and chair dancing in the back seat of the car while listening to the Tangled soundtrack.
10:45 Target popcorn!
10:59 Found 2 shirts for the girls' Halloween costumes.  The pants will be easy to make...right?
11:20 Ran into 3 friends at Target.
12:02 Sipped Gala apple cider, which I've been craving for a few days now.
12:09 Whitney made PB&Js for lunch today. She loves the independence and I love that I don't have to do it!
1:03 Clayton dances frequently to any upbeat music playing...be it from a commercial, kids' show, or battery-operated toy.  This was one of those moments.
1:31 Clayton down for a nap.
1:56 Finished reading THREE chapters to Whitney, who insisted that she was much too tired for storytime today.  The third chapter was also at her insistence.
2:00 Naptime for mommy.
4:26 Listened to my kids play nicely together.
4:45 Listened to my oldest practice together.
5:06 I climbed into bed. PBS brings me joy at moments like this because it enthralls my children while I'm out of commission.

Joy: Day 4

As I climbed into bed tonight, I realized that my bed brings me great joy.  The joy of knowing that I've made it through another day.  Sometimes, I climb in earlier in the day...a few times.  That fact brings me joy, too.  Because it means I got OUT of bed in the first place.  Or that my children are napping.  I don't know that my bed has ever been so soothing, so welcoming, and so comforting at any point in my life.  But for now it is.  And I'm going to enjoy it.

I found joy in a few other things that happened today:

I introduced my daughters to one of my favorite movies: "Ever After: A Cinderella Story."  At first, they complained that it was a GROWN UP movie, and they had wanted to watch a KIDS movie.  But, by the end, they were both hooked.  It brought me joy to pass on something that I enjoy so much to my girls.  Related to this, the soundtrack to that movie is joyful for me.  Just hearing the opening strains of music was like feeling a fresh, gentle breeze in my mind--it brought back so many wonderful memories.  It was wonderful to have a reminder of how much I love that music...how it expands my soul.

Earlier today, I made a foray to the craft store for the first time since I've been pregnant.  I went in search of one particular item in one particular color and texture.  And, on my second look, I found it!  This was a source of joy because I've been imagining using this item to create something--and look forward to passing it on to someone else when that something is finished. 

That brings me to my next source of joy.  With the acquisition of the materials, today I started one of the projects I've been thinking about for a while now.  As I began my creation, my daughter asked if I would teach her how to make something similar.  (I realize I'm being cryptic here...it's out of necessity!)  It reminded me of the days when I was young and my mom taught me to create in so many different ways.  That ability to create brings me joy.  And I hope to pass that on to my children.

And speaking of passing things on to our children, I am hoping to pass on the joy I find in reading to my children.  Now that my oldest child is finally old enough to read chapter books, I find myself getting into discussions with her about what she's reading, what she's going to read next, and what I recommend she read.  My middle child and I have reading time every day at nap time--I just love reading with her, sharing fun books I've recently discovered, and laughing or gasping together as we experience the story simultaneously.  It also thrills me every time my youngest brings me books and asks me to read to him.  Knowing that I'm passing on a love of books and reading to my kids brings me joy.

Joy: Day 3

This blog post has been running through my head all day, but now that I'm actually laying down to write it, (yes, I'm more laying than sitting at the moment while typing on the laptop in my bed), it's not congealing in my head like it did earlier.  Maybe that means I need to write earlier.  But then I'd miss out on the joy of the evenings.  And I can't do that.  So, I will just have to be content with a mediocre blog post.

Before this project started, I'd been thinking a lot about joy in my life--although I didn't realize I was doing it.  After a month of intense sickness and merely getting through each day, I was missing out on that spark that being joyful brings.  I was grateful.  OH, I had (still have) many reasons to be grateful.  But the daily joys were escaping my attention.  Since I've been feeling a bit better, my soul longed to again see the joy in every day living.

Sunday, as I was listening to General Conference, someone (I can't remember who at the moment) talked about how we use our time.  The longer he spoke, the more the Spirit spoke to me.  After several minutes, I grabbed my cell phone and uninstalled the "Solitaire" game that had occupied many mindless, joyless hours for me in the past month.  My rationale in playing the game was that I was too sick to really focus on anything else.  The game didn't matter, so it didn't really matter whether I won or lost.  And, after all, it was something to fill the LONG days of trying not to move if I didn't have to.  But I knew that it wasn't the best use of my time.  It wasn't bringing me any joy.

Over the past couple of weeks, since my health has improved enough that I feel more alive than dead, I still relied on the game.  I was gradually adding in other pursuits, but would often opt for the mindlessness of the game over something that would be more mind-consuming, and therefore leave me with a greater sense of fulfillment.

Today, (obviously), I didn't play the game at all.  Instead, I finished reading a book, which brought me closer to a personal goal I've set.  I snuggled with my son while watching Bob the Builder and Mighty Machines.  I made pumpkin bread.  I planned this blog post in my head. I thought about items I would like to create and projects I'd like to start. And, perhaps most importantly, I found a selection of articles on lds.org about joy, printed them, stapled them, and plan to read them over the next few weeks as I pursue joy.  All of these things today brought me joy. 

Tonight, as I was reading one of the articles, "Joy and Mercy," by Dallin H. Oaks, one of the sentences in the first paragraph stood out to me:

Joy is the ultimate sensation of well-being.

It comes from being complete and in harmony

with our Creator and his eternal laws.

And it struck me.  When I was playing the mindless game, I wasn't in harmony with our Creator.  Although the amazing work my body is doing on a constant basis right now is in complete harmony with God's purposes, the work I was doing with my brain was not.  Today, I felt the joy of living life in greater harmony with what God would have me do.  And, in spite of all that brought me joy today, that knowledge brings me the most joy of all.

Joy--Day 2

I'm tired. And evenings are the hardest time right now. In spite of that, I am happy. My joys tonight are:

Watching America's Funniest Videos with my family on my bed.

Listening to my husband bathing our children and prepping them for bed.

Snuggling with my 2 year old in his new soft fleece jammies.

Joy in the Journey

One of my favorite blogs that I've been following for a year or two now is that of my friend, Heidi.  Her Bartle Bulletin is such a fantastic snapshot of family life--the ups, the downs, the in-betweens.  I find strength and encouragement every time I read her blog.  So, I was not surprised when I read this morning that she has decided to join her friend, Jill, to seek Joy in the Journey for the month of October. And, having felt the need to seek joy in my own life recently, I have decided to join them.  I am so excited!  Although, I must admit, I am slightly wary of my ability to post EVERY DAY.  Some days, I'm sure it will only be a sentence or two.  But I am determined to seek joy for the next 31 days. 

Today, I'm going to post two...one now (for yesterday) and one later.  Probably as I'm waiting for my Unisom to kick in tonight.

My joy for yesterday is the knowledge that we have a living prophet on the earth and twelve apostles just like in the time of Jesus Christ.  My soul was filled as they spoke to me yesterday and I enjoyed the spirit that their words brought to my heart and my home. 

What are your joys?  Will you join me (us) in the journey? (I've added Jill's button to my blog--it's under my list of books.  Check it out!)

My Boy

Being the third child, Clayton does not get nearly as much time and blog attention as he should.  Lately, he has been doing so many cute and funny things that I just want to record his daily life and play it back when he's a teenager.  I suppose writing about a few things will have to suffice...

First of all, his vocabulary and speech have improved quite a bit lately.  I don't know if it's the increase in television, (the same thing happened to Kallie when I got pregnant with Whitney), or if it's just the age.  He's been speaking in sentences for a while now, but I'm finally able to understand things he's saying.  Like, "Where's Kallie?" and "Ohhhh...at the bus."  My favorite advance in this area are his ending consonants.  He's starting to understand that there is a sound at the end of many words.  It ends up coming out with the last letter emphasized: miiil...K, buuu...SSS, etc.  I love to hear him talk!

Along these same lines, he has started asking to be involved in the family prayer rotation.  In the past, when it was time for prayer, he would raise his hand and say, "MEEEE!!" and then suggest that Kallie or Whitney say the prayer instead.  But now, he'll actually repeat phrases of the prayer when he volunteers.  He picks and chooses a word or 2 from each phrase, but it's so cute to hear him participating.

Now that Whitney is in preschool and Kallie is gone all day, Clayton and I have a little time three days a week just the two of us.  So far, it's been mainly me resting while Clayton watches PBS, climbs all over me, elbows me in the belly 15 times, snuggles for 2 seconds, then runs to play...and repeating that sequence over 2 hours.  But it has been fun to snuggle with him and have the time to just focus on him.

One of the games he likes to play while it's just the two of us is, "Bye, Mom!"  He'll climb off the couch, head over to his truck and put one leg in, then turn around and say, "Bye, Mom!"  I'll say, "Bye! I love you, have a good day!" and then he climbs into the truck and plays for a few minutes before joining me on the couch again.  This has evolved from earlier this year when he would put on a pair of someone else's shoes and/or put a toy or two in a bag and head for the garage door saying "Bye!"  Now, before he "leaves," he'll usually come back over and say, "Tiii...SS?"  Which means kiss.  I kiss him goodbye and he's off again. :)  I think he's been watching his daddy...

Speaking of, Clayton's daddy is his FAVORITE person in the world!  Last weekend, Ryan was planning to take the girls to participate in a project for the National Day of Service.  The plan was for Clayton to stay home with me...but we all knew how upset Clayton would be if he didn't get to go with his Dad.  So, Ryan took him along, too.  (I know--Clayton has an AMAZING example of what dads should be!)  If Ryan's working in the garage or the yard, Clayton has to be out there with him.  It seems that Clayton knows he's a boy and he just wanted to be doing boy things with dad than hanging out with the girls.

As for being ALL BOY, I don't worry too much about Clayton in this respect.  Sure, he plays with princess dollies and even wears the girls' dress up dresses.  BUT, then he'll do something ALL BOY and I don't worry.  For example, the other night at dinner, Clayton discovered that he has the ability to eek out long strings of spit and then suck them back in.  He started out with small strings, but progressed until he got one that was at least 6 inches long--and he sucked it right back up.  Pretty impressive for a 2 year old!  He's sure going to be ready for Scout Camp.

Another mark of Clayton's boy-ness is his fascination with bodliy noises.  A few months ago, he realized that blowing on his arms makes a very loud flatulence sound.  (I believe he discovered this in the middle of family prayer, as his arms were folded and he was resting his face on them...)  He now loves to make this sound as much as possible.

One more thing...one of Clayton's new words is "Cra...SH!"  He loves to vroom his little motorcycle up and down my arms and legs, (heads have been declared off limits), and then slam the motorcycle down and said, "Cra...SH!"  He's been doing this for a few weeks now, but it still makes me laugh.

In fact, we find ourselves laughing at our boy quite a bit.  He's always doing something cute and/or funny that draws the attention of everyone in the family.  He is so much fun and we're so glad he's part of our family!

You Might Be...

A few weeks ago, my friend posted a "You might be..." list on her blog.  Inspired by her post, I share a list of my own "You might be..."

If even the thought of anything other than your current crave turns your stomach, you might be in your first trimester.

If you suddenly find yourself crying over everything and nothing at all, you might be in your first trimester.

If your bedtime rivals that of your youngest child, you might be in your first trimester.

If your daily routine includes several naps, (although short and possibly with kids climbing over you), you might be in your first trimester.

If your children have memorized every PBS show aired in recent history, you might be in your first trimester.

If showers have suddenly become a thing of the past because you simply have no energy left to take one, you might be in your first trimester.

If you're suddenly very flaky and cannot fathom attendance at any event after 5:30 p.m., you might be in your first trimester.

If you have less energy than a 3-toed sloth (and move about as quickly), you might be in your first trimester.

If your husband has taken over putting the kids to bed, cleaning the house, and doing the laundry, you might be in your first trimester.  (And very, very spoiled.) :)

If you are developing more of a relationship than you ever intended with any porcelain receptacle in your home, you might be in your first trimester.

If you mourn the person you were just a few weeks ago, you might be in your first trimester.

If Sprite and oyster crackers are your go-to meal, you might be in your first trimester.

If seeing a little fluttering heart at 7 weeks pregnant makes it all a little easier, you might be in your first trimester.

If you spent an entire morning, (yes, the entire morning), at the Dr., getting blood work done, and procuring medication, you might be in your first trimester.

If you are brought almost to tears because a pharmacist handed you a package of anti-nausea medication with your name on it, you might be in your first trimester.

If you are due around April 17, you are currently in your first trimester and are very much looking forward to the second trimester!

Faith Over Fear

Sunday, one of my good friends was given a new, very involved responsibility at church.  As she stood to bear her testimony that day, she explained that for the past school year, she has encouraged her son in his cello lessons by telling him, "You can do hard things."  And until she was asked to take on this responsibility, she didn't realize how much the motto chosen for her son was preparing her for what was to come in her own life. 

Lately, I feel like I've been shying away from hard things.  It's not that I made a habit of seeking out challenges, because who in their right mind really wants hard times?  But, in the past, I have felt confident in my ablities to take on challenges. And now?  Just the thought of encountering something just a little bit difficult makes me want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep.  Even to myself, as the person who knows my own weaknesses so well, this doesn't sound like me.  I wonder how I got here?  And why, when life is so good, (because, really, it is), do I feel the most scared that something is going to go horribly wrong?

It happens that this realization has come about exactly as I have been working on my Personal Progress along with the Young Women in my ward.  Last week, I started studying the value of faith.  And it has been such a strengthening experience for me.  It's not that I don't have faith.  I do. If I've learned anything in my study, it's that I do have faith.  It's just that I've come to the realization that I have been choosing fear over faith as I make choices I know are right with a sense of trepidation instead of joy.  That I have been choosing to fear what could happen, instead of having faith in the rock-solid doctrines that I know.

This morning, my not-quite-2-year old asked for a "nack" (snack).  I pulled a stick of string cheese from the dairy drawer in the fridge and handed it to him.  He worked and tugged and exerted so much effort just to open his cheese.  But, he did it.  Without any help at all.  And immediately, the thought came to me that when we are younger, we welcome the challenges.  In fact, we will take on whatever we encounter simply because we CAN.  We want to show that we are capable of doing hard things. And, as we make our best attempts at handling hard things, our pasrents are watching over us--ready to help as soon as we ask.

I need to take this simple lesson from my youngest child and relish in the fact that I have been blessed with the knowledge, tools, and relationships necessary to successfully navigate the challenges in life.  If I somehow feel ill-equipped, there are many (seen and unseen) who can help me find the tools I need. Just like I was willing to help my son as soon he might ask, our Savior is willing to step in and help us the moment we call on Him.  With this reminder, I will continue to trust in the knowledge I have and refocus (once again) on choosing faith over fear.

A Hairy Situation

Standing at my kitchen island this morning, I was watching my kids eat their cereal.  As they chattered and played across the table with each other, I reminded them to eat fast--we were already running a little behind.  Suddenly Kallie said, "MOM. Today is Wacky Hair Day!"

"Are you sure?"

"YES. June 1st. That's Wacky Hair Day!"

I have been pondering Wacky Hair Day for several weeks now.  I had several ideas up my sleeve--but I felt completely unprepared!  I had intended to have colored hair spray, maybe put her hair in curlers the night before or SOMETHING.  But, here we were, 15 minutes away from leaving--and she still had to finish breakfast, brush her teeth, shoes and socks, jacket, backpack, etc.--and I had to use whatever I had on hand.  I told Kallie to eat FAST and ran upstairs to get things ready.

Kallie actually finished her breakfast in record time.  (Not sure how that happened, but apparently I need to harness the I-didn't-know-it-was-Wacky-Hair-Day energy every day.)  Usually, Kallie is quite picky about how her hair looks.  It's either half up in a braid or, more often, all down with a headband.  But, today, she let me just do whatever.  I have to admit, it was quite nice.  Here's how it turned out:

The whole time I was doing her hair, I was asking her if she was SURE that today was really Wacky Hair Day.  I had visions of arriving at the bus stop, only to see all of the other kids with nicely combed hair--and discovering that it was really Friday.  I prepped Kallie (just in case) if that happend, she could just be happy being silly today.  I was quite relieved to see lots of Wacky Hair running past our car to catch the bus.

And, I will very humbly say that Kallie's hair was the wackiest I saw at the bus stop!