Joy in the Journey

One of my favorite blogs that I've been following for a year or two now is that of my friend, Heidi.  Her Bartle Bulletin is such a fantastic snapshot of family life--the ups, the downs, the in-betweens.  I find strength and encouragement every time I read her blog.  So, I was not surprised when I read this morning that she has decided to join her friend, Jill, to seek Joy in the Journey for the month of October. And, having felt the need to seek joy in my own life recently, I have decided to join them.  I am so excited!  Although, I must admit, I am slightly wary of my ability to post EVERY DAY.  Some days, I'm sure it will only be a sentence or two.  But I am determined to seek joy for the next 31 days. 

Today, I'm going to post two...one now (for yesterday) and one later.  Probably as I'm waiting for my Unisom to kick in tonight.

My joy for yesterday is the knowledge that we have a living prophet on the earth and twelve apostles just like in the time of Jesus Christ.  My soul was filled as they spoke to me yesterday and I enjoyed the spirit that their words brought to my heart and my home. 

What are your joys?  Will you join me (us) in the journey? (I've added Jill's button to my blog--it's under my list of books.  Check it out!)

My Boy

Being the third child, Clayton does not get nearly as much time and blog attention as he should.  Lately, he has been doing so many cute and funny things that I just want to record his daily life and play it back when he's a teenager.  I suppose writing about a few things will have to suffice...

First of all, his vocabulary and speech have improved quite a bit lately.  I don't know if it's the increase in television, (the same thing happened to Kallie when I got pregnant with Whitney), or if it's just the age.  He's been speaking in sentences for a while now, but I'm finally able to understand things he's saying.  Like, "Where's Kallie?" and "Ohhhh...at the bus."  My favorite advance in this area are his ending consonants.  He's starting to understand that there is a sound at the end of many words.  It ends up coming out with the last letter emphasized: miiil...K, buuu...SSS, etc.  I love to hear him talk!

Along these same lines, he has started asking to be involved in the family prayer rotation.  In the past, when it was time for prayer, he would raise his hand and say, "MEEEE!!" and then suggest that Kallie or Whitney say the prayer instead.  But now, he'll actually repeat phrases of the prayer when he volunteers.  He picks and chooses a word or 2 from each phrase, but it's so cute to hear him participating.

Now that Whitney is in preschool and Kallie is gone all day, Clayton and I have a little time three days a week just the two of us.  So far, it's been mainly me resting while Clayton watches PBS, climbs all over me, elbows me in the belly 15 times, snuggles for 2 seconds, then runs to play...and repeating that sequence over 2 hours.  But it has been fun to snuggle with him and have the time to just focus on him.

One of the games he likes to play while it's just the two of us is, "Bye, Mom!"  He'll climb off the couch, head over to his truck and put one leg in, then turn around and say, "Bye, Mom!"  I'll say, "Bye! I love you, have a good day!" and then he climbs into the truck and plays for a few minutes before joining me on the couch again.  This has evolved from earlier this year when he would put on a pair of someone else's shoes and/or put a toy or two in a bag and head for the garage door saying "Bye!"  Now, before he "leaves," he'll usually come back over and say, "Tiii...SS?"  Which means kiss.  I kiss him goodbye and he's off again. :)  I think he's been watching his daddy...

Speaking of, Clayton's daddy is his FAVORITE person in the world!  Last weekend, Ryan was planning to take the girls to participate in a project for the National Day of Service.  The plan was for Clayton to stay home with me...but we all knew how upset Clayton would be if he didn't get to go with his Dad.  So, Ryan took him along, too.  (I know--Clayton has an AMAZING example of what dads should be!)  If Ryan's working in the garage or the yard, Clayton has to be out there with him.  It seems that Clayton knows he's a boy and he just wanted to be doing boy things with dad than hanging out with the girls.

As for being ALL BOY, I don't worry too much about Clayton in this respect.  Sure, he plays with princess dollies and even wears the girls' dress up dresses.  BUT, then he'll do something ALL BOY and I don't worry.  For example, the other night at dinner, Clayton discovered that he has the ability to eek out long strings of spit and then suck them back in.  He started out with small strings, but progressed until he got one that was at least 6 inches long--and he sucked it right back up.  Pretty impressive for a 2 year old!  He's sure going to be ready for Scout Camp.

Another mark of Clayton's boy-ness is his fascination with bodliy noises.  A few months ago, he realized that blowing on his arms makes a very loud flatulence sound.  (I believe he discovered this in the middle of family prayer, as his arms were folded and he was resting his face on them...)  He now loves to make this sound as much as possible.

One more thing...one of Clayton's new words is "Cra...SH!"  He loves to vroom his little motorcycle up and down my arms and legs, (heads have been declared off limits), and then slam the motorcycle down and said, "Cra...SH!"  He's been doing this for a few weeks now, but it still makes me laugh.

In fact, we find ourselves laughing at our boy quite a bit.  He's always doing something cute and/or funny that draws the attention of everyone in the family.  He is so much fun and we're so glad he's part of our family!

You Might Be...

A few weeks ago, my friend posted a "You might be..." list on her blog.  Inspired by her post, I share a list of my own "You might be..."

If even the thought of anything other than your current crave turns your stomach, you might be in your first trimester.

If you suddenly find yourself crying over everything and nothing at all, you might be in your first trimester.

If your bedtime rivals that of your youngest child, you might be in your first trimester.

If your daily routine includes several naps, (although short and possibly with kids climbing over you), you might be in your first trimester.

If your children have memorized every PBS show aired in recent history, you might be in your first trimester.

If showers have suddenly become a thing of the past because you simply have no energy left to take one, you might be in your first trimester.

If you're suddenly very flaky and cannot fathom attendance at any event after 5:30 p.m., you might be in your first trimester.

If you have less energy than a 3-toed sloth (and move about as quickly), you might be in your first trimester.

If your husband has taken over putting the kids to bed, cleaning the house, and doing the laundry, you might be in your first trimester.  (And very, very spoiled.) :)

If you are developing more of a relationship than you ever intended with any porcelain receptacle in your home, you might be in your first trimester.

If you mourn the person you were just a few weeks ago, you might be in your first trimester.

If Sprite and oyster crackers are your go-to meal, you might be in your first trimester.

If seeing a little fluttering heart at 7 weeks pregnant makes it all a little easier, you might be in your first trimester.

If you spent an entire morning, (yes, the entire morning), at the Dr., getting blood work done, and procuring medication, you might be in your first trimester.

If you are brought almost to tears because a pharmacist handed you a package of anti-nausea medication with your name on it, you might be in your first trimester.

If you are due around April 17, you are currently in your first trimester and are very much looking forward to the second trimester!

Faith Over Fear

Sunday, one of my good friends was given a new, very involved responsibility at church.  As she stood to bear her testimony that day, she explained that for the past school year, she has encouraged her son in his cello lessons by telling him, "You can do hard things."  And until she was asked to take on this responsibility, she didn't realize how much the motto chosen for her son was preparing her for what was to come in her own life. 

Lately, I feel like I've been shying away from hard things.  It's not that I made a habit of seeking out challenges, because who in their right mind really wants hard times?  But, in the past, I have felt confident in my ablities to take on challenges. And now?  Just the thought of encountering something just a little bit difficult makes me want to curl up in a ball and go to sleep.  Even to myself, as the person who knows my own weaknesses so well, this doesn't sound like me.  I wonder how I got here?  And why, when life is so good, (because, really, it is), do I feel the most scared that something is going to go horribly wrong?

It happens that this realization has come about exactly as I have been working on my Personal Progress along with the Young Women in my ward.  Last week, I started studying the value of faith.  And it has been such a strengthening experience for me.  It's not that I don't have faith.  I do. If I've learned anything in my study, it's that I do have faith.  It's just that I've come to the realization that I have been choosing fear over faith as I make choices I know are right with a sense of trepidation instead of joy.  That I have been choosing to fear what could happen, instead of having faith in the rock-solid doctrines that I know.

This morning, my not-quite-2-year old asked for a "nack" (snack).  I pulled a stick of string cheese from the dairy drawer in the fridge and handed it to him.  He worked and tugged and exerted so much effort just to open his cheese.  But, he did it.  Without any help at all.  And immediately, the thought came to me that when we are younger, we welcome the challenges.  In fact, we will take on whatever we encounter simply because we CAN.  We want to show that we are capable of doing hard things. And, as we make our best attempts at handling hard things, our pasrents are watching over us--ready to help as soon as we ask.

I need to take this simple lesson from my youngest child and relish in the fact that I have been blessed with the knowledge, tools, and relationships necessary to successfully navigate the challenges in life.  If I somehow feel ill-equipped, there are many (seen and unseen) who can help me find the tools I need. Just like I was willing to help my son as soon he might ask, our Savior is willing to step in and help us the moment we call on Him.  With this reminder, I will continue to trust in the knowledge I have and refocus (once again) on choosing faith over fear.

A Hairy Situation

Standing at my kitchen island this morning, I was watching my kids eat their cereal.  As they chattered and played across the table with each other, I reminded them to eat fast--we were already running a little behind.  Suddenly Kallie said, "MOM. Today is Wacky Hair Day!"

"Are you sure?"

"YES. June 1st. That's Wacky Hair Day!"

I have been pondering Wacky Hair Day for several weeks now.  I had several ideas up my sleeve--but I felt completely unprepared!  I had intended to have colored hair spray, maybe put her hair in curlers the night before or SOMETHING.  But, here we were, 15 minutes away from leaving--and she still had to finish breakfast, brush her teeth, shoes and socks, jacket, backpack, etc.--and I had to use whatever I had on hand.  I told Kallie to eat FAST and ran upstairs to get things ready.

Kallie actually finished her breakfast in record time.  (Not sure how that happened, but apparently I need to harness the I-didn't-know-it-was-Wacky-Hair-Day energy every day.)  Usually, Kallie is quite picky about how her hair looks.  It's either half up in a braid or, more often, all down with a headband.  But, today, she let me just do whatever.  I have to admit, it was quite nice.  Here's how it turned out:

The whole time I was doing her hair, I was asking her if she was SURE that today was really Wacky Hair Day.  I had visions of arriving at the bus stop, only to see all of the other kids with nicely combed hair--and discovering that it was really Friday.  I prepped Kallie (just in case) if that happend, she could just be happy being silly today.  I was quite relieved to see lots of Wacky Hair running past our car to catch the bus.

And, I will very humbly say that Kallie's hair was the wackiest I saw at the bus stop!

The Little Black Book

I love notebooks.  I'm not sure when they became so fun for me, but it seems that I always have a few half-full notebooks floating around my house.  They're useful for so many things--notes for someone else, recording bits of inspiration, keeping track of phone numbers and addresses, To Do lists, bank balances, reminders--I'm really never surprised by what I find written in my notebooks.  Until today.

This morning, I was reading through a notebook I started using about 7 years ago.  True to form, the first third of the squat black spiral book is filled, and then there are chunks of blank pages, interrupted occasionally by a rogue quote or phone number.  The earliest entries were from just after I was married--the latest from just over a year ago.  I re-read lists of "To Do's" associated with several different callings, thoughts and inspiration I received, notes from various church meetings, a few journal-type entries, and lists of things I wanted to improve in my life.  What surprised me was how much I haven't changed in the the past 5-7 years! 

One of the most prevalent goals I had back then was to be more organized, to be better about cleaning my house.  I had lots of thoughts on how to accomplish this--and yet, in my life right now, I have that exact same goal.  It is a little disheartening to think that now, five years later, I feel no more organized or on top of house cleaning than I did back then.  How is it that I feel I've come so far in so many ways, but I seem to be so stuck in others?  I've been thinking about this all morning. 

My first question is: Does this mean that I'm going to struggle with my cleaning/organization for the rest of my life?  Probably.  In a home where people actually live, there will probably always be something that needs organizing or cleaning.  Especially when 4 out of 5 of those people are actually home for the entire day.  But, at the same time, I have to realize that back then, I was in an 800 sq. ft. condo with 2 bedrooms, 1 bath, a tiny kitchen, and a family room/eating area.  Over the next few months, I know I developed better organization there and, looking back, I think that little condo was probably pretty clean most of the time.  (Or maybe I'm just remembering how beautiful it looked when we were selling it...?) 

Now, I'm in a home that is just over three times the square footage of our first condo, with 4 bedrooms, 2 1/2 baths, an office, a family room, living room, dining room, large kitchen/eating area, and laundry room--with actual front and back yards that also require care.  It's a big jump from that first tiny place to this beautiful home for a growing family!  So, really, when I frame it in this light, is it any surprise that I'm struggling with this issue yet again?  The only time in my life that I have ever felt my space was organized and clean was when, as a senior in high school, my family moved to a new home and I had, for the first time in my life, my own bedroom.  (This lasted for all of 8 months before I left for college...)  Everything had a place and there was no one else to remove said things from their places.

Speaking of people who remove things from their places, I saw my own desires for cleanliness and organization reflected in my 6-year old daughter this weekend.  Staying at my in-laws' beach cottage, my kids finally had a room for themselves because of the recent remodeling of the back porch.  For the first time, all 5 of us weren't cozy and cramped in one small bedroom.  (With all of the luggage, bedding, and people, that scenario is an organizational nightmare--no matter how hard I tried!)  My daughters were finally in charge of their own bags, dirty clothes, and beds.  As I looked around the room on Sunday afternoon, I silently noticed that my daughters had put their bags in an out-of-the-way space, created their own "dirty laundry" corner, and neatly stacked (again, out of the way) the cushions and pillows removed from the hide-a-bed couch.  As my oldest daughter tidied up the toys, she chattered away about what a good organizer she was and what a great job she had been doing at organizing.  I could only agree with her!

As I record this experience, I realize that I have something to learn from my daughter.  She's certainly not perfect at organizing, but her efforts are wonderful.  Just the fact that she's trying makes a big difference.  It means she's learning and improving herself.  Maybe I should remember that next time I try.  And, I loved her positive self-talk.  Maybe instead of telling myself I need to be more organized, I should tell myself that I'm a great organizer (after all, my daughter had to learn it from somewhere) and then live up to that thought. 

So, little spiral notebook on my nightstand, somewhere on those blank chunks of pages, I'm not going to let you get me down.  I'm going to record what a good job I do...that I'm really pretty good at cleaning and how (for the most part) organized my home is.  Then in a few years, when I read your pages again, as I look back on this time of life, I can laugh at myself and say, "You think you were good then?  With all those distractions?  Just look at what you can do now!"

In the Groove

I absolutely cannot belive that it has been over THREE months since I've written anything here!  I can't say that there's a particular reason--other than by the time I have a moment to sit down and write, I'd rather read. Or clean (not usually). Or sleep.  Or do anything but use my brain to come up with clever, well-thought, cohesive ideas to share with inquiring minds who read my blog.  But at least for today, the speed of life feels a little slower.  And I finally feel like sharing something...anything...again on here.

In the month or so, I've gotten into a good groove.  I've been heading to the gym six days a week, staying on top of my house (for the most part), reading lots of good books, watching a lot less TV, and realizing how much I enjoy my kids.  I have still had my share of down days, impatience with my kids and/or husband, and various other struggles with life.  But overall, things have been really good.  And, I think I know where to lay the responsibility for this good groove.

Every time we listen to General Conference, I set a goal to read every talk from the corresponding Conference Ensign before the next General Conference comes around.  You would think this would be a simple goal to reach, but for some reason, I usually find myself reading more talks in the last month before Conference than I do in the 5 months previous.  (I may change my strategy a little this time...)  March 2011 was no different.  I was reading about 3 talks per week for the last 3-4 weeks before Conference. 

One of the talks I read during this time was "Receive the Holy Ghost" by Elder David A. Bednar.  There were no thunderbolts or strong impressions as I read this talk.  There were a few quiet thoughts that came to mind as I was reading.  One of which was that one way we can show our desire to utilize the gift of the Holy Ghost is by specifically asking for it.  I decided to "experiment upon the word" and try out this counsel from an apostle.  After about a week, I realized I was happier.  My life didn't drastically change--my kids didn't suddenly become perfect angels.  But, I was better equipped to handle the bumps that came in the course of daily living.  I found myself feeling a little more patient and a little more loving.  I began realizing small impressions that came and found myself allowing a little more time in my day to follow those impressions.  As time continued to pass, I realized that even though I was home most of the time, Heavenly Father was able to lead people to me whom I could help.  I have felt so much gratitude for this gift and the wisdom of a loving God who provided it for us.

I have to say honestly that I was amazed at the results of this experiment.  It was so simple and I didn't expect such a noticeable change in my life.  Before I started, I was reading my scriptures every day, saying my prayers every day, going to church, doing my best to magnify my callings, trying to follow the counsel of my leaders, and seeking personal inspiration on a daily basis.  In the past, as I have implemented a new habit or followed counsel, the results have been gradual--almost imperceptible as I learn and grow line upon line.  This time, however, the results were immediate and tangible.  I am so grateful for inspired leaders.  And certainly for the inspiration that we are blessed with as we follow them. 

Jumble of Thoughts

My brain has been one big jumble of ideas and ponderings lately.  Not one of them is enough for their own blog post, but together, they may just create the mother of all blog posts.  Here goes... 

I'm amazed at how the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints unifies people.  At the gym a few weeks ago, I mentioned how Clayton adjusting to the Kids Club would help him adjust to nursery.  A couple of ladies behind me laughed when I said that.  And, we then conversed about being LDS.  I saw them again a week or so later and commented on the BYU shirt one was wearing.  We exchanged names and tried to make connections about people we both know.  Now, we say hi and wave at each other in passing.  Just that one commonality has made us friends.  I wonder what I have in common with the other people at the gym?  Would anything else connect us as much as a shared religion?

My brain has been foggy lately.  I feel like I just can't get on top of things.  There are probably 100 things I could blame it on, but my daily blame of choice is the lack of sunshine.  I seem to do better on sunny days--but I'm not sure if that's placebo effect or reality.  We're going to try full-spectrum lightbulbs in a few places in the house.  If that doesn't work, I'm getting a "happy light."  I'm hoping it helps.

I need to create a new and improved housekeeping system.  I've been looking into card file systems and plan to make one soon.  That way, I can keep track of what I'm doing instead of feeling like the house will never be clean again.  (Or really, in the first place.)  Now, if I could just get my brain in gear and get those cards done...

We're going cheapie on our cable.  Since we rarely watch TV these days, we have decided to pay less.  Unfortunately, this also means that the channels I actually DO watch (HGTV, Food Network) will be gone.  I'm a little nervous about this, but figure that there will be other ways to spend my time.  Like playing on facebook...or browsing foodgawker.com. Because those are infinitely better than watching TV.

Kallie's kindergarten class put on a "Snow Show" last Friday.  They all did a fantastic job!  They were to wear blue and white clothing--and Kallie desperately wanted a denim skirt to wear.  So, I decided to make her a blue skirt.  She looked darling with her blue skirt, white tights, white shirt, and bright pink galoshes. 

I'm participating in a fitness challenge for the next 4 months--we earn points for doing certain things (exercising, following our eating plan, and drinking water) on a daily basis.  Everyone offers a prize and at the end of the challenge, the person with the most points gets to choose the first prize...and then on down the list.  We also earn points for meeting a monthly challenge.  This month, the challenge is No Treats, which we have interpreted as no sugar.  We're 2 weeks into that challenge--and I've done OK so far.  But today, all I want is chocolate.  Really good, dark, creamy chocolate.  Apparently, though, those 5 points are more important than that chocolate.  I'm sure that's a good thing.

Well, there are many of my recent thoughts.  My washer and dryer just chimed, so it's time to get on with my evening...

Inspiration and Resolutions

Last year, about this time, I was recovering from our Christmas travels.  (Vowing never to travel for Christmas again.)  And looking toward the coming year.  I had a 4 1/2 month old baby and longed to feel, once again, like I had it all together.  Or at least like it would be possible to have it all together again...at some point...in the future. 

And suddenly, everyone was in the midst of announcing their New Year's resolutions. 

I convinced myself that I was never very good at resolutions.  History had taught me that the one thing I most wanted to set a goal for (weight loss) was next to impossible until I was done nursing my baby--which wouldn't happen until closer to the end of the year.  And most other life-changes seemed nearly impossible in the state of mind in which I found myself.  Therefore, I decided, any thought of resolutions would be neatly swept under the rug and left untouched.  For at least another year.

Throughout the year, one friend's resolution returned to my mind repeatedly.  If only I had the presence of mind to choose such an apt goal.  Most of all, I didn't want to be a copy cat and, half way through the year, decide that was going to be my aim as well.  If only I had gotten to it first.  But I didn't. 

All year, the idea of one year-long resolution pressed on my mind.  I thought, "If I were to choose one theme for next year, what would it be?"  I thought about all I needed my theme to encompass...all I wanted to become in a matter of 12 months.  And I was stumped.  As December progressed, I thought and prayed and talked to my husband about it.  One recent night, as he was sleeping...and I couldn't sleep, I picked up my November 2010 Ensign.  As I scanned the Table of Contents and decided the only talk that looked interesting at the moment was "Reflections on a Consecrated Life"--by Elder D. Todd Christofferson.

As I read, I knew.  This was my theme.  There was no intense burning, no strike of lightning, just that quiet knowing feeling that this was the answer to my prayers and pondering.  My single resolution this year is Consecration.  I will focus on purity, work, respect for my body, service, and integrity as I seek to further consecrate my life. 

True success in this life comes in consecrating our lives--

that is, our time and choices--to God's purposes. 

In so doing, we permit Him to raise us to our highest destiny.

--Elder D. Todd Christofferson

(Thanks to Heidi for the year-long inspiration.  I hope my 2011 is as life-changing as her 2010 was!)

Getting in the Spirit

For the past day or so, I've been listening to as audio book on my MP3 player.  I had heard it was a good book...in fact, several friends rated it well on a book-sharing website.  While I listened, I was putting together a scripture-based Nativity advent calendar for my Young Women.  And when the feelings that should be invoked by celebrating Jesus Christ's birth were far overshadowed by the sadness and despair of the story I was listening to, I decided that there is enough garbage in the world.  I turned off my player and left it alone for the rest of the day.  This morning, when I had a chance to plug it in again, I deleted the book.  Without finishing it.

You see, I've been teaching my beautiful Young Women for about two months now.  Last week, our lesson was on creating an uplifting environment.  I urged (strongly) my girls to eliminate the things in their lives that weren't uplifting--things that didn't allow the Holy Ghost into their lives.  As I looked at the lesson for this Sunday, I realized that I will be teaching all three Young Women's classes about "Return[ing] to Virtue."  Here I am, merely a few days later, listening to a book that didn't make me feel light or virtuous, but made me feel like the heavy, dark rainclouds that so often descend on the city where I live.  Hippocrite.  That's what I was.  I couldn't teach these things if I myself couldn't stand up for my own standards in such a small way.  And that's why I turned it off.  I don't regret it one bit.  I feel light again.  Bring on the housework!  I need an excuse to listen to the hours and hours of Christmas stories I downloaded to my player this morning.