Striving for Perfection

Today, I was supposed to speak in church--but it turns out Clayton had other plans, since he got sick in the middle of the night. We decided that Ryan should be the lucky one who still got to give his talk. I was honestly disappointed to miss out on this opportunity. Especially because I feel like my talk was the other half of Ryan's. For all who were hoping to hear my talk, here it is...

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I have a memory as a young girl of visiting my great-aunt and great-uncle in their home. While the adults stayed upstairs to chat, we kids headed down to the basement to raid the game closet.  One particular game stands out—it was called “Perfection.” For those who haven’t seen this game, the board consists of a grid with a different shaped hole in each square. Each hole had a matching shaped peg, which must be put into place before the timer ran out. When time ran out, the board popped, sending any previously placed pegs flying. I remember the intense concentration, the hurried movement, and the hopeful anticipation of successfully beating the clock. I also remember the equally intense frustration and let down when, with only a piece or two to go, time ran out—and you’d have to collect your scattered pieces and start all over again.

I think at times, this game mirrors our lives. But instead of pieces on a game board, we’re working to fit our lives into the pattern of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Sometimes, we give our all—intense concentration, consistent action, and anticipation of success—and then something pops and our efforts are seemingly scattered. And we start to wonder how in the world we will ever be able to follow the Savior’s commandment to “Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect” (Matt. 5:48).

President Harold B. Lee said:

I am convinced that the Master was not merely thinking relatively when he said, ‘Be ye therefore perfect, even as your Father which is in heaven is perfect.’ [Matthew 5:48.] … Would you suppose the Savior was suggesting a goal that was not possible of attainment and thus mock us in our efforts to live to attain that perfectness? It is impossible for us here in mortality to come to that state of perfection of which the Master spoke, but in this life we lay the foundation on which we will build in eternity; therefore, we must make sure that our foundation is laid on truth, righteousness and faith.

I love that President Lee reminded us that it is impossible for us to come to this state of perfection in mortality. I think we all believe that’s true—and then we promptly turn around and expect perfection of ourselves in one way or another. The rich young ruler was already living the Ten Commandments, and wanted to continue improving himself. He asked the Savior, “What lack I yet?” If any of you are like me, a question like that has the ability to strike fear in your heart—and possibly cause a few anxiety attacks along the way. Most of us can come up with countless ways in which we’re lacking. In fact, our shortcomings are often much more of a focus than our successes. And often, this is what is holding us back.

My degree is in Family Science. During one class period in my “Theories in Family Relations” class, my professor performed an experiment involving positive and negative feedback. Two random students were sent into the hallway at the top of our amphitheater-style classroom, while the rest of the class decided that upon entering, these students were to play a note on the piano in the front corner of the room.  When the first student entered, she began to explore a little. Every time she did something other than play a note on the piano, the professor provided negative feedback by saying things like, “No,” “wrong,” “that’s not it.” After about a minute and a half, this student sat down on the top step, and said, “I’m done. I quit.” She hadn’t progressed more than about 2-3 feet from the door. When the second student entered, every attempt she made to figure out the task was met with positive feedback. She was told, “Great job!” “You’re making progress” “That’s right” “You’re getting there!” Within less than 30 seconds, this student went down the steps, crossed the classroom, and played the piano.

When we focus on our failures and shortcomings, we are providing ourselves that negative feedback. And, as this experiment illustrated, the only thing that does is make us want to stop trying—for fear of continually failing. When we, instead focus on what we’re doing right, we are much more likely to feel encouraged and able to continue moving forward in our lives—toward that goal of eventual perfection.

A few weeks ago, I was chatting with some very good friends. I don’t remember particulars about the conversation, but I do remember that one of them mentioned how rebellious she is. Now you have to understand the woman that we’re talking about here—she has 5 children and has been through some truly harrowing trials in her life. She has a strong testimony of the gospel, and is doing everything in her power to raise her family according to the principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Through all of her struggles and challenges, she has chosen to remain true to what she knows to be right and good. She is constantly putting her own needs on hold to serve and meet the needs of another person—whether family, friend, or stranger. She is someone that I admire for all of her strength—and yet here she was, expressing concern that she was never enough because there was always MORE that she could do better. There always is. ALWAYS.

I love how Anne Morrow Lindbergh phrased this when she said, “My life cannot implement in action the demands of all the people to whom my heart responds.” And instead of “people,” I think we could state instead: causes, situations, and/or concerns. This is true of every effort we can make in this life. We will fall short within ourselves. We will fall short in our family relationships. We will fall short in our community efforts. The list is endless in all of the ways we can fall short!

Too often, we see our situation like Brad Wilcox, former Sunday School board member, described when he said:

In the past I had a picture in my mind of what the final judgment would be like, and it went something like this: Jesus standing there with a clipboard and Brad standing on the other side of the room nervously looking at Jesus.

Jesus checks His clipboard and says, “Oh, shoot, Brad. You missed it by two points.”

Brad begs Jesus, “Please, check the essay question one more time! There have to be two points you can squeeze out of that essay.”

As similar concerns came up that evening, I found myself practically shouting, “BUT DON’T YOU BELIEVE IN THE ATONEMENT?” Because when we really, truly, actually believe in and act upon the Atonement of Jesus Christ, we no longer view ourselves as flawed and imperfect. We no longer hold ourselves to an impossible standard, where we have to be nearly perfect to access the power of the Atonement. We instead see ourselves the way our Savior does: as one who is worthy of His love and grace no matter where we find ourselves on the path of life. NO MATTER WHERE WE FIND OURSELVES.

Returning to Brother Wilcox’s scenario, he continues:

But the older I get, and the more I understand this wonderful plan of redemption, the more I realize that in the final judgment it will not be the unrepentant sinner begging Jesus, “Let me stay.” … Knowing Christ’s character, I believe that if anyone is going to be begging on that occasion, it would probably be Jesus begging the unrepentant sinner, “Please, choose to stay. Please, use my Atonement—not just to be cleansed but to be changed so that you want to stay.”

Knowing that the love Jesus Christ has for us is secure and real is the best positive reinforcement we can experience in this life. And when allow ourselves, as imperfect beings, to experience that perfect love, we are able to become the person that our Savior sees within us. And knowing who you truly are is such a freeing experience. What others think and say about your imperfections holds a lot less weight when you know you are unconditionally loved. But more than that, what you think and say about your own imperfections changes when you feel that pure love of Christ. Somehow they become a lot less important.

So the next question usually is, “Why should I even try? If Jesus Christ loves me how I am, what’s the point?” The answer comes straight from the Savior Himself. In 1 Peter 1:16, we read words from the Savior, “Be ye holy; for I am holy.” And from 3^rd Nephi 27:27, we read, “Therefore, what manner of men ought ye to be? Verily I say unto you, even as I am.” We show through the choices we make in our lives whether we want to emulate Jesus Christ or not. When we walk in the paths and commandments He has set forth, when we serve in the ways He has taught, He knows whom we have chosen to be our Master, (see John 12:26). And we are blessed and strengthened, even in our weakness, to hold to the path of eventual perfection.

I know that Jesus Christ is my Savior. I know that the Atonement is real. And I know that as we hold to those two things, we will eventually “be…therefore perfect, even as [our] Father which is in heaven is perfect."