A few years ago, I was sitting with my friend on the steps outside my Wymount apartment. We were chatting about having children. At the time, I had my two girls and my friend's third child was several months old. She commented that sometimes she wished she had been married sooner, so she could have a lot of children. I had recently gone through some tough times related to having babies and wasn't sure I could handle more than the two I had--so I couldn't share that thought process. And, as I talked with her, a thought came to me. People who have more than two kids must really love kids.
At the time Kallie was 3 and Whitney was 1 1/2. While they were still young, it seemed that there was still plenty of "me" time. I was able to sleep through the night and get up and exercise each morning. I also had time to accomplish various projects and get the apartment clean. Watching my friend, (who really is a great mom--I still look up to her!), it seemed that she was involved with kids from dawn until dusk. I remember her saying she wanted to get up early in the morning before the kids woke--and all I could think was, "Your baby just started sleeping through the night! Give yourself a break!" To be quite honest, I wasn't sure that I enjoyed children and/or parenting enough to enjoy a third child. For the record, I really love my kids--I just wasn't sure I loved children enough in general to make that difficult jump to three.
Now that I actually have three, my theory stands true in my own life. My days are filled from dawn to dusk with mothering. My children have become my most important project. Of course, they were important before--but most free time is now filled with children. Having a third child has been the easiest transition yet. I find myself wanting so many of the same things my friend expressed to me that afternoon. I would love to have a houseful of children and those early morning hours seem like the best time to wake and prepare for the day ahead. There isn't a lot of time for projects. Some have been put on hold indefinitely. And, my "me" time has significantly decreased. But, this doesn't bother me at all. To everything there is a season--and there is no better time than now to enjoy being a mother--to throw myself into it heart and soul and soak it up as much as possible.
Post-Script:
Just for the record, this doesn't mean I never have bad days. I've been reflecting on embracing motherhood the past couple of days and these have been my thoughts. And, one more thing, I understand that the number of children you are able to have doesn't mean you do or don't love mothering. This is just the learning process that I have experienced on the path of my own motherhood.
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9 comments:
I love kids - my own in particular! I want more kids too but I know that will demand more out of me. Probably more than I realize as I am typing this. Jumping from one to two was a huge sacrifice of personal time, but today as I was home sick from church with just Reid I missed the other half of our family so much. I looked at Reid who was milling about the house, already bored of playing with just mom and looking around for his best playmate and wondered how we ever stressed about having another. At first I was afraid of the change from one to two, but after making the jump I want more and more. Of course we are only planning on three maybe four, but more kids definitely equals more fun, more memories, and in a way more love. I hope we can have more kids. Thank you for preparing me for the next step (later...we aren't pregnant yet), and for giving me extra courage to take the changes in stride.
I am so glad to read this post. I feel like sometimes my blog comes off as negative about motherhood, but that is certainly not the case. However, I am having a difficult time wanting to have another child. I know in my heart that I want more kids, but my life is so easy right now with 2, as far as parenting goes. I'm still hoping though that once a third baby comes along I will be able to immerse myself in motherhood more completely and be happy about it. I think you are a fabulous mother and I appreciate hearing that you are feeling fulfilled and happy.
Amanda, I hope I feel this way when my third baby comes. I feel like I'm not emotionally prepared for mothering from sun up to sun down. This "me time" you speak of is still so vital to me. I'm selfish, I admit. Probably more selfish than a lot of moms and less selfish than others but I'm scared that I'll have to "give up myself" in order to even be a good mom. I realize that cleche and dramatic but right now that's how I view it. How will I fill my own emotional well? Am I supposed to be just be filled with the "Joy of seeing my children?" Cause baby, that ain't gonna cut it. In a nut shell, what I'm saying is that I'm scared.
Great post. I am still getting used to three. The transition process to three for me was not as smooth as two. It is great being a mom. I agree. I wish I had more too.
I love this post! Thanks for sharing your thoughts!
Doesn't it amaze you sometimes at teh huge differences--or not so huge sometimes between the good days and the bad days? I think accepting our role as mothers is sometimes the hardest part. When we do that it is easier to give of ourselves and also recognize the rewards.
That reminds me of our recent conversation. :) I wish I could insert about 20 more child-bearing years into my life. I do not look forward to the day when I will hold my last baby. (Man! I get teary just thinking about it!)
I love reading your blog because you always seem to capture how I'm feeling and expressing it in a way that doesn't make me feel bad about it. I would have had that same thought if I had been talking to your friend at that time. I really enjoy my 'me' time, but I do want more children. I was just thinking the other day how it is nice that your own time gets taken away slowly so it isn't that noticeable to you unless you really stop to think about it. I am nervous about the time when we decide to have number three, but I am also excited because I do love my girls dearly and each day becomes more exciting.
This is a great post. As another 24hr mom- I agree that it's usually great. I find a little time to fit in stuff I want to do, but usually in the evening after the kids are in bed. Being really honest, being a mother is just what I need to keep me from being selfish and idle.
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