Sunday night, as Ryan and I climbed into bed at midnight--after traveling for several hours with 2 cranky kids--I asked Ryan the same thing that I ask every single night: "Will you tickle my back?" He expects me to ask this question every night and I expect I'll ask it every night. And, so far, without fail, he tickles my back every time I ask--even if it's just for 2 or 3 minutes before I feel the faint "That's it" pats he always gives when he's done. And, I LOVE those few minutes every night. They help me feel connected to my husband and help me relax and fall asleep. This tickle time has become a tradition in our marriage.
There seems to be a lot of focus on family traditions--but sometimes marital traditions are pushed aside or deemed less important in order to accomodate the family traditions. While family traditions are important, it's equally important to create marital traditions that connect you and your spouse. Let's be honest--when all is said and done, when the kids leave home it will just be you and your spouse. If you don't have your own basis of connecting and strengthening traditions, where will that leave you when the chicks have flown the nest?
Thinking about this last night got me thinking about the other traditions that Ryan and I have in our marriage--those we have created with purpose or those that have gradually evolved over the years. One of my favorite traditions is going to bed at the same time. I'm definitely NOT a night person. Ryan generally does well at night. But, we have reached a common bedtime that works for both of us. I enjoy chatting about our day as we get ready for bed together. I also love our tradition within a tradition of couple's prayer each night. Some nights, kneeling down beside our bed seems to be all it takes to get the conversation going and we end up talking until the wee hours of the morning--laughing, sharing concerns, sharing ideas, etc. This is one of my favorite times because it's just me and Ryan and no one else is around to burst in with their needs, ideas, or random thoughts.
When Ryan and I were in our student stake last year, one of the stake conference meetings for the men focused completely on strengthening your marriage. One of the speakers said that he and his wife wake up a few minutes early in the mornings to cuddle before getting out of bed. This simple act connects this couple and helps them face their day together as they go their separate ways. Ryan and I discussed this idea, but realized that this particular way wouldn't work for us. So, as part of our bedtime tradition, we cuddled together each night as we fell asleep. When I got pregnant, my nausea (and now decreased lung capacity and increased body heat) made this option less appealing. So for now, the back tickling has become our temporary tradition.
As this same conference, another speaker mentioned the 10-second kiss. He counseled the husbands that they should kiss their wife for at least 10 seconds every day. This is another tradition we have chosen to adopt in our marriage. When Ryan is rushing out the door in the morning, it always makes me feel like a high priority when he gives me 10 seconds of himself. The funny thing is that it's only 10 seconds! But, it makes a huge difference in our connection throughout the day.
Another tradition Ryan and I have chosen to bring into our marriage is that of regular temple attendance. We both feel that it is important for us to serve in this capacity and the fact that we have to plan together to make it each month brings us closer together. There are seasons of life when this doesn't quite happen as we'd like, (like in the nauseating first and early second trimesters of pregnancy), but we do our best to continue this tradition from month to month.
There are other traditions which we try to keep, but sometimes don't--or can't--put as much focus on. These include regular dates, (even if it's hanging out on the couch on a Friday evening after the kids are in bed), Ryan bringing home flowers, going for walks just the two of us, etc. They are all things that I feel bring us closer together and show that we truly enjoy being around one another.
At the end of this all, I know there are many other traditions that are cultivated in marriages. And, I'm curious. What are traditions that you and your spouse enjoy? What are those things, no matter how small, that help you connect with your spouse? Please leave me a comment and share your thoughts with me on this!
Isaac’s first football game of the year.
1 year ago
8 comments:
Rob and I love to lay on the couch together spooned to watch a show.Our current favorite is "Dr. Who. Pregnancy has always made this harder but we make it work.
We also love long drives. Often we go on drives for date night.
I was trying to think because don't have anything we officially do all the time. But then I realized we almost always watch TV together at night. Sometimes we read books together...
I suddenly feel lame that we don't have more traditions together. I guess today is the day to start.
Off and On Andrew and I have read together. Once we start something, be it conference talks, a book, or whatever we do really well but when we finish we have a tough time getting something to put in its place. I love the time to talk about ideas and have a common experience to share instead of him talking about work and me talking about kids.
This sounds like such an odd way to connect, but Jake and I like to eat dinner together in front of the tv. That's usually when we talk all about our day and discuss what's on and our opinions and such. Probably won't happen as much when kids are part of the pictures, but it's fun for now!
Kenyon and I love to talk. Many nights we sit in front of the TV and end up zonning out whatever is on 'cause we're chatting 'til the wee hours of the morning. We also love to "feet rub swap". He lays on one of the couch with his feet on my lap, and I put my feet on his lap. Then we rub each other's feet at the same time. It's heavenly. We also like to leave each other really silly messages on the phone (he started that when you and I worked together at KBYU) :0) Couple prayer at night is a good one for us too, and holding hands. We don't usually stand or walk near each other without holding hands. :0) Thanks for this post, Amanda. It reminded me how much I love my Kenyon. And it always lifts my spirits to hear your faith and dedication to your family. :0)
I know this seems lame, but Ian and I chat all day long whenever we are both sitting at our computers at the same time. If Ian isn't online for whatever reason, I miss him. Even though he's at work most of the day I feel like we talk all day long. It's nice that he can do that. We also really enjoy watching certain tv shows together. Almost always funny ones that make us laugh.
We are lucky enough that Reid works about 1 mile from our house. He comes home for lunch almost everyday, which I love. Especially on those days that he has to work late, it makes all the difference between happy Rebecca and crazy Rebecca.
This is a neat post. Um...our traditions. We like to play frisbee or tennis together when we can. It is not as often lately though so we need to work on that.
At church we make sure that we always sit side by side and not let the kids in between us. Jared proposed this when Reid was born and I was nervous starting this with two kids, but so far it has worked great and has made me feel closer to him as we are fed spiritually and renew our covenants side by side.
Sadly...that is it. A lot of our traditions revolve around our family. We need to work on reconnecting more and having more couple traditions. Thanks for the inspiration to do better.
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